The Undertakings of Pippin and Poppy

Title: The Undertakings of Pippin and Poppy Sometime in the distant past, in a curious little cabin settled in the midst of moving slopes and verdant knolls, there lived two lovable twin kin named Pippin and Poppy. Pippin, with his rowdy mop of earthy colored hair and glimmering hazel eyes, was a heap of vast energy, consistently anxious to investigate his general surroundings. Poppy, then again, had a delicate soul and an affection for everything wonderful. Her sapphire eyes shone with generosity, and her chuckling was essentially as sweet as a warbler's quaver. One radiant evening, as Pippin and Poppy skipped in their patio, a devilish breeze moved throughout the air, conveying with it a wisp of dandelion cushion. The feathery seed, as though directed by an inconspicuous hand, landed delicately upon Poppy's outstretched palm. Looking at the sensitive seed, Poppy made a wish, her voice scarcely a murmur, "Goodness, how I wish for an undertaking, to investigate the marvels that lie past our doorstep." As though in reply to Poppy's desire, the dandelion seed started to sparkle, its delicate light wrapping the twins. In a whirl of gleaming tones, Pippin and Poppy were whisked away from their recognizable environmental factors, moved to an otherworldly land loaded up with fantastical animals and stunning scenes. Their most memorable stop was an unusual timberland, where trees grew candies rather than leaves and blossoms sprouted with the pleasant fragrance of chocolate. Perky pixies danced among the branches, their chuckling reverberating through the air like a delicate song. Pippin and Poppy joined the pixies in their happy dance, their hearts overflowing with satisfaction and miracle. Then, they wandered into a place that is known for monsters, where transcending figures walked around the mists, their strides causing quakes in the earth underneath. The monsters, regardless of their impressive size, were delicate spirits, offering Pippin and Poppy rides on their backs as they investigated their tremendous realm. Their process went on through a place that is known for talking creatures, where savvy owls shared their insight, merry squirrels gabbed perpetually, and lofty lions thundered with well disposed good tidings. Pippin and Poppy speaked with these animals, learning their one of a kind traditions and customs, and fashioning obligations of companionship that rose above the hindrance of language. At last, they showed up at a glorious palace, its towers coming to towards the sky, its walls enhanced with gleaming gems. Inside, they were welcomed by a big-hearted lord and sovereign, who greeted them wholeheartedly. The twins went through their days investigating the palace's secret chambers, finding secret entries and excellent assembly halls. As the sun set, projecting a warm sparkle over the supernatural land, Pippin and Poppy acknowledged the time had come to get back. With a hint of misery, they bid goodbye to their newly discovered companions, promising to love the recollections they had made. In a whirl of varieties, they were shipped back to their patio, the natural environmental elements a consoling sight. They took a gander at one another, their eyes overflowing with fervor, their hearts loaded up with the wizardry of their unprecedented experience. From that day on, Pippin and Poppy conveyed the soul of their experience inside them. They saw the world with an open-minded perspective, appreciating the magnificence and marvel that encompassed them. Furthermore, at whatever point they felt a yearning for energy, they would shut their eyes and envision themselves back in the otherworldly land, where the sky was the limit.

A “Tom Girl”

“Somer, it time to go to Big Momma’s house!” shouted her baby brother. “Come on, it is
time to go!”
Every summer for two week, Somer and her baby brother would go to their
grandmother’s house in the country.
Somer loved spending time with her Big Momma in her garden, and sitting on the front
porch learning all about her family’s history.
“What was my mother like as a girl?” Somer would ask her Big Momma. “Did she look
and act like me?”
“She looked just like you,” replied Big Momma.
Early the next morning, Somer’s baby brother got up to go fishing with his friends. Now,
during the school year, Somer had to wear a pretty dress, but while at Big Momma’s
house, she wore blue jeans with holes in the knees.
“What do you call yourself doing?” asked Somer’s baby brother. “You can’t go fishing
with the boys.”
“And, why not,” said Somer. “I will catch a bigger fish than all of you boys put together.”
“You are nothing but an old Tom Boy,” teased Somer’s baby brother. “You will be afraid
to bait your hook with a worm, or even catch a fish.”
After retrieving a cane pole from the shed, Somer slowly walked behind the boys to the
lake
"Hey, where are the worms!” shouted Somer.
Somer then went over to the can of worms and got a big juicy one out. She baited her
hook and tossed the line out in the lake. Some of her brother’s friends just stared in
amazement."
About thirty minutes later, Somer’s pole was almost snatched from her hands. And,
with all of her might, she pulled straight up.
“I got a fish!” shouted Somer. “And, it is a big one!”
“Don’t lose it!” shouted Somer’s baby brother. “You have a catfish!”
Seconds later, the biggest fish Somer or any of the boys came sailing straight out of the
water. Somer reeled in her fish and took it off of the hook and into the bucket.
The other boys just stared in amazement.
“Somer, were exactly where you fishing?” asked the other boys. “Show me how you
cast in your line.”
Somer’s brother stood by the bank.
Eventually, Somer’s brother broke his silence, "Hey, sis, can you show me how to fish?"

Thanks
Mr. Geary Smith
119 Kollman
Mexia, Texas 76667
(254) 562-2720
E-mail: smithgeary@yahoo.com

Greedy Boy - A short moral story for kids

There lived a twin brother called Sam and Tom! They were identical twins, even their mother found it too hard to differentiate between them during the initial months of birth. However, they were like two poles when it comes to everything other than their appearance. They neither agree with anything nor do they share even one single trait! Sam had no friends, whereas for Tom the world was friendship. Sam loved sweets and Tom loved to eat spicy foods. Sam was mommy’s pet and Tom was daddy’s pet. While Sam was generous, Tom was greedy! As they grew up, their father wanted to share his fortune equally. However, Tom did not agree and he argued that whoever is more intelligent and strong, will gain higher share of wealth than other. Sam agreed. Their father decided to organize a competition between the two. And they ordered the two sons to walk as long as they can in and they should return home before the sunset. Whoever covers the longer distance and returns home before sunset will get huge amount of wealth proportionate to the distance they covered. They don’t carry watch to calculate time. Both started to walk a long way during a sunny day. Sam walked slowly and steadily, while Tom urged to win over Sam started to run instantly. The distance they cover until mid-noon will be equal to the distance they would reach home before sunset. It was mid-noon and Sam decided to return back as he could reach home on time. However, Tom, with his greediness to earn more wealth, did not turn his way back home even after mid-noon. He walked two times longer distance that what Sam was covered and decided to return back before the sunset. He urged to return home as the Sun turned orange in the evening. Unfortunately, he could not even make half way to home and the moon rises. He lost the race and was defeated because of greediness! GREEDINESS WILL MAKE YOU LOSE EVERYTHING

Before you fly

The fear of flights is a common syndrome. Frequent fliers may not be paying too much heed to pre-flight announcements and safety demonstrations but heaven knows how many of us our petrified when the smiling flight attendant politely points out how are chances of survival may be increased. And if you have recently read Arthur Hailey's 'Airport' or seen the movie, then it would be better to travel on tracks or on the road. Though the trend has not caught on in India, in many other places in-flight safety lectures and announcements are sometimes flavoured a little with humour and some amount of well meaning teasing. This often helps to lighten up the situation a bit. Here are a few classic examples of flight-wit; it is for you to decide how effective these are. § On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.” § “On landing, the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all of you belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.” § “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.” § “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.” § “After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as heck everything has shifted.” § From a Southwest Airlines employee: “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.” § “In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.” § Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.” § “Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.” § “As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

Contributed by Batchmates member

Call Center - Ppl @ Work

Call centre jobs: people wonder why they r paid so much.............for just being on the phone. Take a look: * Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer "No." Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." * Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?" Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" * Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done." Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk." Customer:: "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer: "No..." * Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?" Tech Support:: ?!%#$ * Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" * Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?" Customer:: "A white one." * Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt." Customer:: "How do you spell that?" * Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?" Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service) Tech Support:: "Well then we can't-" Customer:: "It says 'no dial tone'." Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now. You need to-" Customer:: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try a few times, and it will let me through." Tech Support:: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me." Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later." * Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?" Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store." * Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?" Customer: "Pentium." * Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion." * Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder." * Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?" * Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." * Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." Customer: "Is that Eastern time?" * Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?" Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support:: "Well?" Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

User Contribution

A message from above

I never thought I would be writing about a trip to the convenient store, but this trip was like no other. It seemed like a typical November day, two years ago, as I walked out of Walgreens. It was just a month after my grandmother had passed away and I spent my days running useless errands hoping to fill the void in my heart and distract me from the pain.
As I attempted to walk out of the store, I was frustrated by everything that was going on around me which was a very common feeling during this time. I was angry because I couldn’t even remember what I went there to buy so I ended up spending over $20 on nonsense just to waste time and money, both of which I didn’t have.
I was mad and confused at everyone. Especially, the young girl walking through the store holding her grandmother’s hand. The little girl was begging her grandmother for ice cream just like I use to when I was little, before I was old enough to know that there are bigger problems than a lack of sugar. There is heartache and pain in this world. Before I was old enough to understand that one day my grandmother wouldn’t be here with me. “Here is $20 my sweetie,” the woman said, “Keep it for later and well get you some Mr. Softy.”
As I carried on, I remembered all of the times my cousins and I would play outside of my grandma’s house, waiting patiently to hear the sounds of the Mr. Softy truck. The minute we heard it, no matter how far it may have been, we would run inside smothering my grandma with hugs and kisses while begging for some money. No matter how many times she would say, “Remember kids, no ice cream today,” everyday we would ask and every time she would always end up giving each of us exactly $20. Obviously, we all know that ice cream doesn’t cost this much, but that was my grandma, always giving more than she ever had to give.
Who knew that I, an 18 year old, could be jealous of a three-year-old little girl wearing pink slippers and a Dora the Explorer backpack, but I was, because at the end of the day she had something I didn’t have anymore. A grandmother by her side.
I had to force myself to ignore the little girl who others kept calling “cute” and “adorable” when I simply thought she was nothing but obnoxious. She was just too happy for me and that was unacceptable, at this time, in my world.
I continued to the register to pay for my things, none of which I even remembered picking until I placed them on the counter. It was than that my anger quickly shifted from the little girl who seemed to have everything to the cashier who didn’t have anything, not even my change. She had to bring my things to another register which just felt like a waste of time. Everything felt like a waste of my time. When the cashier gave me my change I didn’t say thank you. I didn’t say have a good day. I simply took my change and left.
Feeling exhausted and hopeless, I began walking to my car. Every step seemed draining, and every step was another to survive. As I looked up into the sky I thought about how my grandmother had left me, and my anger began to return. I was outraged by the loss, and my belief in God was beginning to diminish. I couldn’t understand why these things happened. So as I stood in a public parking lot a million questions formed in my mind. Why did this happen to me? Aren’t we supposed to get signs from the people that pass on? Why did I not feel her presence anymore? Is there a heaven?
Suddenly, a woman driving right by my side rolled down her window and distracted my unanswered thoughts. “Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me,” she said loudly. Thinking she was going to ask for my parking spot, I simply pointed to my car. The thought of having to verbalize where my car was seemed like too much to bear. “No, excuse me,” she said again. At this point, I felt I had no choice but to see what this annoying lady wanted. As I got closer though I was startled-was this my grandmother’s nurse, Adu, who lived with her during her final months? I soon realized that she wasn’t, although the resemblance was uncanny. Then, I realized that this Adu look a like was searching for something in her bag. Surprisingly, I was overcome by a sense a relief that lead me to be patient the entire time the lady was searching. Others would be nervous by a stranger reaching in their bag unanimously, but I wasn’t. Under a clutter of makeup, money, pens, and other belongings, she finally reached to the very bottom of her bag and handed me a three page booklet. “It looks like you need this,” she said calmly with a warm smile on her face.
I looked down at the mysterious and obviously used pamphlet and on the front cover in big bold letters read “What Hope for Dead Loved Ones?”
It took me only a few seconds to comprehend the exchange with this woman, but by the time I looked up, she was gone.
I walked slowly into my car gripping the tiny little book that was given to me with fear that it would fly away in the wind. I didn’t know what it was exactly, but I knew that if my grandmother had anything to do with this that I didn’t want to let it go.
I felt a sense of relaxation as I opened the first page. It explained how people pass on, but their spirit remains with us. This was the first time since my grandma had passed that I felt her with me, just like I had wanted. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but I did know that I finally felt happiness from the surprising change in events.
I couldn’t, and still can’t, believe what had happened to me on that day. I don’t remember the specific details that you usually hear about like what the person was wearing, the time of day, or even the weather, but it doesn’t matter. It was a random day in November when my life turned back around and I began to feel hope again. It was real. It was a miracle. And, I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.

Story by visitor: Jessica Correale

That little girl

Have you ever not wanted to do something so badly that you would rather die than go? Well that’s how I felt about joining Madcaps and volunteering at Saint Vincent De Paul Homeless shelter.
But now I believe that you should have an open mind to things because in the end you might just end up enjoying it.
“It’s a waste of time”, I said when my mom told I had to join Madcaps, a mothers and daughters club assisting philanthropies, and then when she told me I had to volunteer at a homeless shelter I thought this just could not get worse.
We got there late, of course, and walked to the dirty homeless shelter, where we saw a lady yelling at the security guard. He dealt with her and then lead us to the kitchen where we ran into my five fellow Madcaps class of 2017 mothers and daughters. Since I’m usually so socially awkward I had met only one person at the pool party, earlier this year. I looked around for her but she was not there. Damn, I was alone!
When the head of the kitchen came out and asked for 3 mothers to work outside the kitchen to clean up the plates and silverware, my mom just so happened to volunteer, leaving me to serve food with people I had never met before.
Soon the homeless families started to walk in and a little girl, around 5 years old, walked up and pointed to the food I was handing out. I handed her the cold sandwich, wrapped in the sticky plastic, she nodded in a form of saying thanks, and then walked to join her family at the large table.
As she walked away I thought of how much I had. I get to go to one of the top schools in San Diego, I have a great house by the water, and I have a warm meal every night. Then I thought of how little she had. She probably didn’t go to school, and this is where she sleeps and eats every day. It took that little girl to make me realize just how lucky I am.
After that moment I had a change of heart. Now, I love Madcaps and don’t miss one meeting, I have gotten over being socially awkward and now have many friends, who I hang out with on a regular basis. And this year I am sure I will do more than the required 20 hours of philanthropies.
I believe that if you have an open mind about things you can learn a lot about yourself and the people in your community, you can make new friends and realize just how lucky you are. I believe that if you have an open mind to things you can accomplish more and become a better rounded person. I believe you can make a difference just by doing one thing you don’t want to do.

Story by visitor: Aly Arrington

I Know This Laywer

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. 

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.

You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"

Cup Holder

Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it.

The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

Too Many Fires

A new firefighter was being trained by an old fire chief.

"How would you react if a sudden fire flared up on the front of the building?" asked the fire chief.

"Break out a fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.

"How would you react if another fire flared up in the back of the building?" asked the fire chief.

"Break out another fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.

"And if another huge fire flared up in the basement, how would you react?" asked the fire chief.

"Break out another fire hose." answered the new firefighter.

"Now wait a minute, son," said the fire chief. "Where are all these fire hoses coming from?"

The new firefighter answered, "The same place where all of the fires are coming from, chief."

The Most Embarrassing Moments Ever

Let’s face it – we’ve all had our share of embarrassing moments. Just be thankful that none of them were as humiliating (and hilarious!) as these:

"A mother was taking a shower when her2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so she ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that she had copies made and included one with each of their Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that she take a closer look. Puzzled, the mother stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to her son, she had captured her reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!"

"A woman and her sister were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. The woman replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." The sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and she turned beet red and walked away."

"A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?’

An introvert went to bar and spots a pretty looking woman sitting on the stool. He mustered all his courage for long time, then timidly approached and asked her, "Ma’ am, would be OK if sit here and talk with you?" She was alert, suspecting this man, and responds by yelling, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Customers in the bar started staring at them. The embarrassed guy quickly returns to his table dejected and ashamed. The young woman waits a little and then goes to the guy to apologize. With a smile on her face she says, "I am sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I am a college student in psychiatry and I am putting together a thesis as to how people react to embarrassing moments." The cunning guy now yells loudly, "What do you mean by $500?"

Nasty Bug

Every night, Harold would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, and left.

The next night, after he finished his 3th beer, the doorbell rang.

He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.

The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.

The fourth night Harold didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Harold and left him in a heap on the living room floor.

The following day, Harold went to see his doctor. He explained events of the preceding four nights. "

" What can I do? " he pleaded.

" Not much " he doctor replied. " There's just a nasty bug going around."

Puss In Boots

There was once a miller who had three sons. When his end was near, he gathered them close to him and said:

"My sons, it your turn now to take the reins. You, my eldest, child shall have the windmill. You, my next elder, shall have the donkey. An you, my little Benjamin .. will have the cat."

On the death of their father, the three sons got what he had said.

The youngest son was crestfallen at having inherited the cat. He berated himself and said, "What am I going to do with such a ridiculous gift? I suppose I can eat him when I'm starving and sell his skin for a few sous ... After that, I'll probably starve to death!"

The cat, who had heard everything, said to him. "Now, now, Master. No need to cry like that. Get me a big sack and a pair of boots."

Without being astonished that his cat could talk to him, the young lad went and fetched what was asked for.

The cat put on the boots, took up the sack and left for the forest.

He lay the sack down, which he had transformed into a trap, and waited.  He didn't have to wait long before a stunned hare was swallowed up inside it, and the cat had only to pull the strings to trap it.

The cat went along to the king's palace, who lived not far away, and asked to see him.

He was received by the king in person, and after a few reverences, said  to him, "Sire, my master the Marquis de Carabas gives you this hare as a gift. He caught it himself on his own grounds.”

The king accepted the present and asked the cat to thank his master for him.

The next day, the cat caught two partridges that he brought to the king, still on behalf of the Marquis de Carabas. Throughout the next week the cat brought the king the products of his hunting.

At the end of the week the cat found his master and said to him, "Master, today you will bathe in the river."

The young lad, still not astonished at a talking cat, did as he was told.

While he was splashing about in the water, he heard the noise of a horse-drawn carriage and his cat crying out:

"Help, Help! My master the Marquis de Carabas is drowning!"

The king, who was passing by, ordered his men to stop the carriage and go to the river. He asked his people to help the Marquis de Carabas. To cap it all, explained the cat, the brigands had stolen the master's clothes. The king had someone look for a new suit of clothes for the Marquis.

The young lad, once he was finely dressed, was quite a handsome chap. He approached the carriage to thank the king and noticed the princess. He mumbled a few words and the king, who noticed that his daughter had taken quite a shine to the lad, said to him:

"Marquis, won't you join us?"

He couldn't believe his luck, and sat himself in the carriage facing the princess.

Meanwhile the cat had gone on ahead. Seeing a wheat field in which some harvesters where gathering in the crop, he approached and said to them:

"When they ask you who the field belongs to, you will say it belongs to the Marquis de Carabas. If you don't, I'll see to it that you're ground into mince meat."

As soon as the carriage drew up to the field, the king asked the harvesters, "Who owns this soil?"

They replied, in a single voice, "The Marquis de Carabas."

Not far along, the cat came across some reapers sowing a field. He said to them:

"When they ask you who the field belongs to, you will say it belongs to the Marquis de Carabas. If you don't, I'll see to it that you're ground into mince meat."

The king's carriage drew up along side the reapers and asked them, "Whose land is this?"

They replied, in a single voice, "The Marquis de Carabas."

The cat continued his journey up ahead. He arrived at a castle owned by an ogre, the same ogre who owned the fields they'd just passed. He asked to see the ogre, and was granted an audience.

"My lord," said the cat addressing the ogre. "I have learnt that besides all your riches you possess a gift: The gift of turning yourself into any kind animal you choose. But, I can't quite bring myself to believe it. Perhaps, in your great generosity, you'll kindly give me a demonstration of your powers . . ."

The ogre, flattered that someone had taken quite such an interest in him, proposed to turn himself into a lion, a feat which he completed immediately.

When he resumed his original appearance, that cat thanked him profusely, and then said:

"You know how to transform yourself in a ferocious animal. But do you know how to change yourself in a small animal ... a mouse, for example?"

The ogre, proud and vain, and wanting to show off his immense power, didn't hesitate, and immediately transformed himself into a mouse.

The cat, not giving him the opportunity to transform himself back, pounced on the mouse and ate him!

He went to find the servants in the castle and ordered them to prepare a great feast for the arrival of their new master.

Soon the king's carriage arrived. Opening the door, the cat said:

"As a way of thanks, my master the Marquis of Carabas invites you to dine with him."

The king climbed down from the carriage, followed by his daughter and the "Marquis de Carabas", and was led to the castle by the cat.

During the course of the sumptuous diner, the king addressed the  Marquis.

"Sir, I see that my daughter has taken quite a shine to you. You don't displease me, either. Would you do me the honour of becoming my son-in-law?"

The "Marquis" was delighted at this offer, having eyes only for the princess. He accepted the honour with joy and married her the very next day.

As for the cat, he was made a lord. He still chases mice, if only for the simple pleasure it brings him.

Cendrillon

There was once a gentleman who got married for a second to time, and to a woman who was the haughtiest and proudest woman you could ever imagine. She had two daughters of the same disposition, who took after her in all things. The gentleman had a daughter of his own, but who was very kind and good. She took after her mother, who was the best woman in the whole world.

Hardly had the gentleman married his new wife than she started to show her true colours. She could not bear the good qualities of this young woman, who showed up her own daughters as being detestable. She gave her the most vile jobs in the house. It was her who cleaned the dished and washed the steps, who scrubbed madam’s bedchamber, and those of her daughters. She even had to sleep right at the top of the house, in a loft on a dirty straw bed, while her step-sisters slept in bedroom with fine flooring, sumptuous beds, and had mirrors where they could see themselves from head to toe.

The poor child suffered it all with patience. She didn’t dare complain to her father, who would have scolded her, because he was ruled entirely by his wife.

When her work was done, she sat in the corner of the room, by the chimney, amongst the cinders. This gave rise to a cruel name in the whole household - cinderarse. Her younger sister, who wasn’t as cruel as the rest of them, just called her Cendrillon (cinders). However, Cendrillon, even with her filthy habits, was a hundred times more beautiful than her sisters, although they were always dressed in magnificent clothes. 

One day, the king’s son gave a ball, and invited all people of high quality: the two step-sisters were also invited to it, because they were “big noises” in the country. They set about getting ready, busying themselves with their dresses and deciding which hairstyles would suit them best. More chores for Cendrillon, because it was she who had to run around after them, taking up hemlines and sewing collars and cuffs. They spoke of nothing else but how they were going to look.

“I”,  said the eldest, “shall wear my red velvet dress, done with English trimming.

“I, “ said the youngest, “Shall only have an plain skirt, but I shall wear my gold embroidered overcoat, and a diamond tiara, which is bound to get noticed.”

They sent for the best hairdresser, to arrange their hair and accessories. They called Cendrillon, and asked her what she thought, because she had good taste. Cendrillon would offer them the best advice in the world, and even offered her services to the hairdresser. It was the hairdresser who asked Cendrillon, “Will you be going to the ball?”

“Ah, I think you’re making fun of me. They don’t want the likes of me there.”

“You’re right. Everyone would laugh if they saw a Cinder Arse at the ball.”

Someone other than Cendrillon would have taken this as an insult. But the hairdresser was the best, and done her job perfectly.

So filled with joy were the two step-sisters that they didn’t eat for two days. They snapped more than 12 corset laces trying to squeeze their waists to the smallest size possible, and they were always in front of the mirror.

Finally, the big day arrived, and the sisters left for the ball. Cendrillon followed them with her eyes for as long as possible. When she could no longer see them, she burst into tears. Her godmother, who saw her tears, asked her why she was crying.

“I would have liked … I would have liked … “ And she started crying again, so strongly that she couldn’t finish.

Her godmother, who knew a few spells, said to her, “You’d like to go the ball, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes,” said Cendrillon, sniffing.

“Well,” said the godmother, “if you’re a good girl, I’ll get you there.”

She led her to her room and said, “Go into the garden and get me a pumpkin.”

Cendrillon went straight away, and picked the best pumpkin she could find. She brought it back to her godmother, not being able to see how this pumpkin would get her to the ball. Her godmother hollowed it out, leaving only the peel. She tapped it with her wand, and it changed into a beautiful golden carriage.

Next she looked into the mouse trap, where she found six mice, all still alive. She asked Cendrillon to release the trap a little, and when the six mice came out tapped each of them with her wand. And they soon turned into beautiful horses, making a great team out of six dapple-grey mice. As they were going to all this trouble, they might as well make a coachman. “I will see,” said Cendrillon, “if we have a rat in the rat trap. He’ll make a great coachman.”

“You’re right,” said her godmother. “Go and see.”

Cendrillon brought back the rat trap, where they found three big rats. Her godmother choose one of them for his superior beard, and turned him into a fat coachman, and he had the best moustache they’d ever seen. Then she said,

“Go into the garden. You’ll find six lizards behind the watering can. Bring them to me.”

No sooner had she brought them back than her godmother changed them into six lackeys, who took up position behind the carriage in their fine clothes, and who clung to each other, never having done anything else in their entire lives.

Her godmother said the Cendrillon, “Well, when you go to the ball, you’ll go in style, hey?”

“Yes, but shall I go there in my filthy clothes?”

Her godmother had only to touch her clothes and they turned into clothes of gold and silver, shimmering with precious stones. Next she gave her a pair of glass slippers, the prettiest in the whole world.

When she was all ready, Cendrillon climbed into her carriage. But her godmother ordered her to return before midnight, warning her that if she stayed at the ball a moment longer the carriage would turn back into a pumpkin, the horses back into mice, the coachman back into a rat, and the lackeys back into lizards, and her new clothes would turn back into her former rags.

Cendrillon promised her godmother that she would be back before midnight. She left, feeling nothing but joy.

The king’s son, when someone tipped him off that a great princess had arrived that no one knew, went out to greet her. He took her hand as she stepped down from the carriage, and lead her into the dance hall where the revellers gathered. A great silence descended; people stopped dancing, and the violins stopped playing, all to witness this great beauty who has suddenly arrived. Everybody started murmuring at once, “Ah, how beautiful she is!”

Even the king, as old as he was, couldn’t take his eyes off her, and whispered to the queen that it was a long time since he’d seen such a stunner as this. All the women were studying her hair and her clothes, so that the next day they too could look like her, provided they could find such materials, and such skilled workers.

The prince placed her at the head of the table, and led her onto the dance floor. She danced with such grace that they admired her even more.

They brought in great many beautiful snacks, which the prince couldn’t eat, so taken was he with admiring her. She sat down next to her sisters, and bade them a thousand pardons. She gave them a few segments of the oranges and lemons given to her by the prince. This astonished the sisters because they didn’t know her.

While they were chatting away, Cendrillon heard the bell chime out for 11 45. She made her excuses to the entire company and left immediately.

As soon as she arrived back home, she found her godmother and said that she wished she could go to the ball again tomorrow, because the prince had begged her to. As she was telling her godmother everything that had happened, her two sisters banged on the door.

Cendrillon opened the door for them. “You’ve been gone a long time,” she said to them, yawning and rubbing her eyes, making out that she had just woken up. She had had no desire to sleep, however, ever since they’d left.

“If you’d been at the ball,” said one of the sisters, “you wouldn’t have come back early either. A beautiful princess came. She was the most beautiful princess anyone had ever seen. She was very civil, and gave us some of her oranges and lemons.”

Cendrillon felt full of joy, and asked them the name of this princess. The sisters said that nobody knew her, not even the prince, who would give anything to know her name. Cendrillon smiled and said to them:

“So she was quite beautiful, hey? You can’t be happy that I’m not able to see her, surely? Mademoiselle Javotte, lend me your yellow dress that you wear every day.”

“Well really!” said Mademoiselle Javotte. “Lend my dress to a dirty cinder-arse like you – I’d have to be mad!”

Cendrillon wasn’t at all unhappy with this insult, and would have been quite embarrassed if her sister had  lent her the dress.

The next day, the two sisters went to the ball. Cendrillon went too, but dressed even more nicely than the last time. The prince never left her side, and whispering sweet nothing constantly. Cendrillon never grew bored, and soon forgot what her godmother had told her: to return at the first stroke of midnight. Cendrillon thought it was only 11 o’clock. She got up and fled as nimbly as though she were a doe.

The prince followed, but wasn’t able to catch her. In her haste, Cendrillon lost one of her glass slippers, which the prince carefully gathered up.

Cendrillon arrived home, without her carriage, without her servants, and in her filthy rags. Nothing remained of her former splendour except for a single glass slipper, the partner of the one she had lost.

The guards at the palace gates were asked if they has seen a princess leave. They replied that they had seen no one, save for a young, scruffy girl who was more of a peasant than a princess.

When her sisters came home, Cendrillon asked them how the ball had been, and if the beautiful princess had been there. They said that she had, but that she had fled at the first stroke of midnight, so hurriedly that she had left one of her glass slippers behind, the most beautiful they’d ever seen. They told her that the prince had claimed it, and then searched for her for the rest of the night, and that he was surely madly in love with the princess who had lost the glass slipper.

They’d never said a truer word, because a few days later the prince proclaimed that he would marry the woman whose foot fit the glass slipper. It was tried on the feet of all the princesses, then all the duchesses, then on the whole court. But without success.

The slipper was brought to the home of the two sisters, who did all they could to squeeze into the glass slipper. But they couldn’t even get it past the heel.

Cendrillon, who was watching and recognise the slipper, laughed, “It would even fit me better than that!”

Her sisters only ridiculed her. The gentleman who was doing the fitting, looked at Cendrillon. Finding her quite beautiful, he said it was only fair, and he had orders to let all women try the slipper on.

He made Cendrillon sit down, and approached with the glass slipper. It fit  her quite smoothly, and slipped on and off as though her feet were waxed.

Her sisters were quite astonished. Even more so when Cendrillon pulled out the other glass slipper. Then her godmother arrived. She tapped Cendrillon’s clothes with her magic wand, making her just as beautiful as the rest of them.

Her sisters immediately recognised her as the beautiful princess from the ball. They threw themselves at her feet, and begged her to forgive them for all the nasty things they had done to her.

Cendrillon made them get up, and gave them a hug. She said she forgave them, and hoped they would always be good friends.

Cendrillon was led to the prince, who found her more beautiful then ever. A few days later, they were married. Cendrillon, who was as good as she was beautiful, brought her sisters to live at the palace, and they were soon married to two great lords.

Run

I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes.

However, I must share the following:

After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to type "R," "U," "N" and press return to see the program execute.

A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention, and the person attached to the hand said, "I did what you said and it didn't work." Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer, I suggested she retype "R," "U," "N" and press return. A few seconds later, the lady's hand goes up again. "It still doesn't work," she said.

So... I went back to see what the problem was ... only to find that instead of typing RUN, she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN !

ATM

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Your Weakness Can Be Your Strength

A 10-year-old boy decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident. The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.

"Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"

"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied.

Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training. Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament.

Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches.

The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match.

Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals. This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out.

He was about to stopthe match when the sensei intervened. "No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue."

Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him.

The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion. On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.

"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?" "You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."

The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.

"Sometimes we feel that we have certain weaknesses and we blame god, the circumstances and our self for it but we never know that our weakness can become our strength one day.

Each of us is special and important, so never think you have any weakness, never think of pride or pain, just live your life to its fullest and extract the best out of it!"

Man + Woman = Donkey

This is the best I have read in a LONG time

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy

Therefore:
Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work

In other words,
A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Equation 2

Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Man = Donkey + earn money

Therefore:
Man-earn money = Donkey

In other words,
Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey

STRENGTH

We don't always have to be strong
sometimes our strength is expressed in
 being vulnerable.
Sometimes we need to fall apart to regroup
 and stay on track.

We all have days when we cannot push any header,
cannot hold back self-doubt,
cannot stop focusing on fear,
cannot be strong.

These are the days when we cannot focus on
 being responsible.
Occasionally, we don't want to get out of
 our pajamas.
Sometimes we cry in front of people.
We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay. They are just okay.

Part of taking care of ourselves means
we give ourselves permission to "fall apart"
when we need to.
We do not need to be perpetual tower of strength.
We ARE strong.
We have proven that.

Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves
the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable.
when we need to experience those feelings.

Today help me to know that is okay to
allow myself to be human.
Help me not to feel guilty or punish myself
when i need to "fall apart".

Progress

Progress is made in steps. Be willing to take enough steps,

and you can get wherever you want.
Imagine walking to a destination that is one mile away.

The first step doesn't seem to take you very far,

though if you keep going you'll be there in half an hour.

When working toward a goal, the intermediate steps may seem tedious

 and unfulfilling. Yet in reality, they are the very essence of fulfillment.
That fulfillment will be realized when the steps are all taken.

 Keep going, and the achievement will be yours.

Whether the goal is modest or highly ambitious, taking sure and

 steady steps will get you there. When you're willing to take

 the necessary steps, there is no limit to where you can go.
Though the goal may seem distant, the pathway is not.

 The first step is right in front of you now. 

 

~Ralph Marston~