The
fear of flights is a common syndrome. Frequent fliers may not be paying
too much heed to pre-flight announcements and safety demonstrations but
heaven knows how many of us our petrified when the smiling flight
attendant politely points out how are chances of survival may be
increased. And if you have recently read Arthur Hailey's 'Airport' or
seen the movie, then it would be better to travel on tracks or on the
road.
Though the trend has not caught on in India, in many other places in-flight safety lectures and announcements are sometimes flavoured a little with humour and some amount of well meaning teasing. This often helps to lighten up the situation a bit. Here are a few classic examples of flight-wit; it is for you to decide how effective these are. § On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.” § “On landing, the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all of you belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.” § “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.” § “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.” § “After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as heck everything has shifted.” § From a Southwest Airlines employee: “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.” § “In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.” § Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.” § “Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.” § “As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.” |
Contributed by Batchmates member |
Showing posts with label Confession. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Confession. Show all posts
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Before you fly
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Monday, July 2, 2012
Cendrillon
There was once a gentleman who got married
for a second to time, and to a woman who was the haughtiest and proudest woman
you could ever imagine. She had two daughters of the same disposition, who took
after her in all things. The gentleman had a daughter of his own, but who was
very kind and good. She took after her mother, who was the best woman in the
whole world.
Hardly had the gentleman married his new
wife than she started to show her true colours. She could not bear the good
qualities of this young woman, who showed up her own daughters as being
detestable. She gave her the most vile jobs in the house. It was her who
cleaned the dished and washed the steps, who scrubbed madam’s bedchamber, and
those of her daughters. She even had to sleep right at the top of the house, in
a loft on a dirty straw bed, while her step-sisters slept in bedroom with fine
flooring, sumptuous beds, and had mirrors where they could see themselves from
head to toe.
The poor child suffered it all with
patience. She didn’t dare complain to her father, who would have scolded her,
because he was ruled entirely by his wife.
When her work was done, she sat in the
corner of the room, by the chimney, amongst the cinders. This gave rise to a
cruel name in the whole household - cinderarse. Her younger sister, who wasn’t
as cruel as the rest of them, just called her Cendrillon (cinders). However,
Cendrillon, even with her filthy habits, was a hundred times more beautiful
than her sisters, although they were always dressed in magnificent clothes.
One day, the king’s son gave a ball, and
invited all people of high quality: the two step-sisters were also invited to
it, because they were “big noises” in the country. They set about getting
ready, busying themselves with their dresses and deciding which hairstyles
would suit them best. More chores for Cendrillon, because it was she who had to
run around after them, taking up hemlines and sewing collars and cuffs. They
spoke of nothing else but how they were going to look.
“I”,
said the eldest, “shall wear my red velvet dress, done with English
trimming.
“I, “ said the youngest, “Shall only have
an plain skirt, but I shall wear my gold embroidered overcoat, and a diamond
tiara, which is bound to get noticed.”
They sent for the best hairdresser, to
arrange their hair and accessories. They called Cendrillon, and asked her what
she thought, because she had good taste. Cendrillon would offer them the best
advice in the world, and even offered her services to the hairdresser. It was
the hairdresser who asked Cendrillon, “Will you be going to the ball?”
“Ah, I think you’re making fun of me. They
don’t want the likes of me there.”
“You’re right. Everyone would laugh if they
saw a Cinder Arse at the ball.”
Someone other than Cendrillon would have
taken this as an insult. But the hairdresser was the best, and done her job
perfectly.
So filled with joy were the two
step-sisters that they didn’t eat for two days. They snapped more than 12
corset laces trying to squeeze their waists to the smallest size possible, and
they were always in front of the mirror.
Finally, the big day arrived, and the
sisters left for the ball. Cendrillon followed them with her eyes for as long
as possible. When she could no longer see them, she burst into tears. Her
godmother, who saw her tears, asked her why she was crying.
“I would have liked … I would have liked …
“ And she started crying again, so strongly that she couldn’t finish.
Her godmother, who knew a few spells, said
to her, “You’d like to go the ball, wouldn’t you?”
“Yes,” said Cendrillon, sniffing.
“Well,” said the godmother, “if you’re a
good girl, I’ll get you there.”
She led her to her room and said, “Go into
the garden and get me a pumpkin.”
Cendrillon went straight away, and picked
the best pumpkin she could find. She brought it back to her godmother, not
being able to see how this pumpkin would get her to the ball. Her godmother
hollowed it out, leaving only the peel. She tapped it with her wand, and it
changed into a beautiful golden carriage.
Next she looked into the mouse trap, where
she found six mice, all still alive. She asked Cendrillon to release the trap a
little, and when the six mice came out tapped each of them with her wand. And
they soon turned into beautiful horses, making a great team out of six
dapple-grey mice. As they were going to all this trouble, they might as well
make a coachman. “I will see,” said Cendrillon, “if we have a rat in the rat
trap. He’ll make a great coachman.”
“You’re right,” said her godmother. “Go and
see.”
Cendrillon brought back the rat trap, where
they found three big rats. Her godmother choose one of them for his superior
beard, and turned him into a fat coachman, and he had the best moustache they’d
ever seen. Then she said,
“Go into the garden. You’ll find six
lizards behind the watering can. Bring them to me.”
No sooner had she brought them back than
her godmother changed them into six lackeys, who took up position behind the
carriage in their fine clothes, and who clung to each other, never having done
anything else in their entire lives.
Her godmother said the Cendrillon, “Well,
when you go to the ball, you’ll go in style, hey?”
“Yes, but shall I go there in my filthy
clothes?”
Her godmother had only to touch her clothes
and they turned into clothes of gold and silver, shimmering with precious
stones. Next she gave her a pair of glass slippers, the prettiest in the whole
world.
When she was all ready, Cendrillon climbed
into her carriage. But her godmother ordered her to return before midnight, warning
her that if she stayed at the ball a moment longer the carriage would turn back
into a pumpkin, the horses back into mice, the coachman back into a rat, and
the lackeys back into lizards, and her new clothes would turn back into her
former rags.
Cendrillon promised her godmother that she
would be back before midnight. She left, feeling nothing but joy.
The king’s son, when someone tipped him off
that a great princess had arrived that no one knew, went out to greet her. He
took her hand as she stepped down from the carriage, and lead her into the
dance hall where the revellers gathered. A great silence descended; people
stopped dancing, and the violins stopped playing, all to witness this great
beauty who has suddenly arrived. Everybody started murmuring at once, “Ah, how
beautiful she is!”
Even the king, as old as he was, couldn’t
take his eyes off her, and whispered to the queen that it was a long time since
he’d seen such a stunner as this. All the women were studying her hair and her
clothes, so that the next day they too could look like her, provided they could
find such materials, and such skilled workers.
The prince placed her at the head of the
table, and led her onto the dance floor. She danced with such grace that they
admired her even more.
They brought in great many beautiful
snacks, which the prince couldn’t eat, so taken was he with admiring her. She
sat down next to her sisters, and bade them a thousand pardons. She gave them a
few segments of the oranges and lemons given to her by the prince. This
astonished the sisters because they didn’t know her.
While they were chatting away, Cendrillon
heard the bell chime out for 11 45. She made her excuses to the entire company
and left immediately.
As soon as she arrived back home, she found
her godmother and said that she wished she could go to the ball again tomorrow,
because the prince had begged her to. As she was telling her godmother
everything that had happened, her two sisters banged on the door.
Cendrillon opened the door for them. “You’ve
been gone a long time,” she said to them, yawning and rubbing her eyes, making
out that she had just woken up. She had had no desire to sleep, however, ever
since they’d left.
“If you’d been at the ball,” said one of
the sisters, “you wouldn’t have come back early either. A beautiful princess
came. She was the most beautiful princess anyone had ever seen. She was very
civil, and gave us some of her oranges and lemons.”
Cendrillon felt full of joy, and asked them
the name of this princess. The sisters said that nobody knew her, not even the
prince, who would give anything to know her name. Cendrillon smiled and said to
them:
“So she was quite beautiful, hey? You can’t
be happy that I’m not able to see her, surely? Mademoiselle Javotte, lend me
your yellow dress that you wear every day.”
“Well really!” said Mademoiselle Javotte.
“Lend my dress to a dirty cinder-arse like you – I’d have to be mad!”
Cendrillon wasn’t at all unhappy with this
insult, and would have been quite embarrassed if her sister had lent her the dress.
The next day, the two sisters went to the
ball. Cendrillon went too, but dressed even more nicely than the last time. The
prince never left her side, and whispering sweet nothing constantly. Cendrillon
never grew bored, and soon forgot what her godmother had told her: to return at
the first stroke of midnight. Cendrillon thought it was only 11 o’clock. She
got up and fled as nimbly as though she were a doe.
The prince followed, but wasn’t able to
catch her. In her haste, Cendrillon lost one of her glass slippers, which the
prince carefully gathered up.
Cendrillon arrived home, without her
carriage, without her servants, and in her filthy rags. Nothing remained of her
former splendour except for a single glass slipper, the partner of the one she
had lost.
The guards at the palace gates were asked
if they has seen a princess leave. They replied that they had seen no one, save
for a young, scruffy girl who was more of a peasant than a princess.
When her sisters came home, Cendrillon
asked them how the ball had been, and if the beautiful princess had been there.
They said that she had, but that she had fled at the first stroke of midnight,
so hurriedly that she had left one of her glass slippers behind, the most
beautiful they’d ever seen. They told her that the prince had claimed it, and
then searched for her for the rest of the night, and that he was surely madly
in love with the princess who had lost the glass slipper.
They’d never said a truer word, because a
few days later the prince proclaimed that he would marry the woman whose foot
fit the glass slipper. It was tried on the feet of all the princesses, then all
the duchesses, then on the whole court. But without success.
The slipper was brought to the home of the
two sisters, who did all they could to squeeze into the glass slipper. But they
couldn’t even get it past the heel.
Cendrillon, who was watching and recognise
the slipper, laughed, “It would even fit me better than that!”
Her sisters only ridiculed her. The gentleman
who was doing the fitting, looked at Cendrillon. Finding her quite beautiful,
he said it was only fair, and he had orders to let all women try the slipper
on.
He made Cendrillon sit down, and approached
with the glass slipper. It fit her quite
smoothly, and slipped on and off as though her feet were waxed.
Her sisters were quite astonished. Even
more so when Cendrillon pulled out the other glass slipper. Then her godmother
arrived. She tapped Cendrillon’s clothes with her magic wand, making her just
as beautiful as the rest of them.
Her sisters immediately recognised her as
the beautiful princess from the ball. They threw themselves at her feet, and
begged her to forgive them for all the nasty things they had done to her.
Cendrillon made them get up, and gave them
a hug. She said she forgave them, and hoped they would always be good friends.
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Wednesday, October 26, 2011
FIFTY SOMETHING
“Do you know...what day it is?”
“Nope”...said my beau. “What's today?”
“Well! If you can't remember”, I cried
“I'm not gonna say.
Well aren't you gonna ask me?”
I insisted with a few tears.
“Alright”, he said...”you're fifty today...
and you have been for three or four years”.
That wasn't what I wanted to hear.
Just a few...simple birthday wishes,
a romantic night...a bottle of wine
and someone to do the dishes.
Instead...like a mature plucked Cinderella
with mascara blurred...eyes
my Prince Charming declares he's swapping
my fifty for two twenty fives.
He'll have a problem handling two;
his belly hangs below his belt.
He said my boobs were no better
like saddle bags...last time he felt.
See...they fall underneath me arms.
He knelt on 'em once and they spread.
Reckoned he was leaning forward
to switch on the light overhead.
He can't do things...like he used to
gets short winded and very abrupt.
When we were young...he worked all night
now he's all night...working it up.
Mind you...I don't give him a lot of help
like I did when I was young.
The elasticity has left my vital parts
you could say...spring has sprung.
We try to get together...
was recommended a book called "Fore Play"
wasn't a crossword or card game in it,
and the pictures were worn away.
I looked at myself in the mirror
perhaps the problem lies with me.
Surely the body doesn't fall apart...
...life begins at fifty.
I need to recharge by batteries,
get rid of my facial hair,
buy new underwire bras,
make 'em look like a pair.
My beau used a whipper snipper on my face,
“I'll trim it”...he said...”it won't pull”.
So I laid on the floor with his foot on my neck,
it started...then ran out of fuel.
Just as well...it went berserk,
desexed our neighbour’s cat.
I said...”Whatever you do...don't mention it...
when you give 'em the snipper back.”
I've been going to the gym lately,
I wear the correct gear...
you know...leotards with that skinny strap
on the strategic part of your rear.
No-one told me to wear tights as well
as I sat on the rowing machine.
Imagine how I felt...when a man pulled it out,
thank goodness it came out clean.
I'm preparing my body and keeping fit,
you know age is a state of mind too,
don't ask me what state I'm in,
let's just say...’Thirty Two.’
Copyright; Shirley Friend
From her book 'Another Dose From Floozie'
From her book 'Another Dose From Floozie'
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Friday, July 23, 2010
8 lies of a mother
This story begins when I was a child: I was born poor. Often we hadn't enough to eat. Whenever we had some food, Mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was transferring her rice into my bowl, she would say "Eat this rice, son! I'm not hungry."
This was Mother's First Lie.
This was Mother's First Lie.
As I grew, Mother gave up her spare time to fish in a river near our house; she hoped that from the fish she caught, she could give me a little bit more nutritious food for my growth. Once she had caught just two fish, she would make fish soup. While I was eating the soup, mother would sit beside me and eat what was still left on the bone of the fish I had eaten; My heart was touched when I saw it. Once I gave the other fish to her on my chopstick but she immediately refused it and said, "Eat this fish, son! I don't really like fish."
This was Mother's Second Lie.
This was Mother's Second Lie.
Then, in order to fund my education, Mother went to a Match Factory to bring home some used matchboxes which she filled with fresh matchsticks. . This helped her get some money to cover our needs. One wintry night I awoke to find Mother filling the matchboxes by candlelight. So I said, "Mother, go to sleep; it's late: you can continue working tomorrow morning." Mother smiled and said "Go to sleep, son! I'm not tired."
This was Mother's Third Lie
This was Mother's Third Lie
When I had to sit my Final Examination, Mother accompanied me.. After dawn, Mother waited for me for hours in the heat of the sun. When the bell rang, I ran to meet her.. Mother embraced me and poured me a glass of tea that she had prepared in a thermos. The tea was not as strong as my Mother's love, Seeing Mother covered with perspiration; I at once gave her my glass and asked her to drink too. Mother said "Drink, son! I'm not thirsty!".
This was Mother's Fourth Lie.
This was Mother's Fourth Lie.
After Father's death, Mother had to play the role of a single parent. She held on to her former job; she had to fund our needs alone. Our family's life was more complicated. We suffered from starvation. Seeing our family's condition worsening, my kind Uncle who lived near my house came to help us solve our problems big and small.
Our other neighbours saw that we were poverty stricken so they often advised my mother to marry again. But Mother refused to remarry saying "I don't need love."
This was Mother's Fifth Lie.
This was Mother's Fifth Lie.
After I had finished my studies and gotten a job, it was time for my old Mother to retire but she carried on going to the market every morning just to sell a few vegetables. I kept sending her money but she was steadfast and even sent the money back to me. She said, "I have enough money."
That was Mother's Sixth Lie.
That was Mother's Sixth Lie.
I continued my part-time studies for my Master's Degree. Funded by the American Corporation for which I worked, I succeeded in my studies. With a big jump in my salary, I decided to bring Mother to enjoy life in America but Mother didn't want to bother her son; she said to me "I'm not used to high living."
That was Mother's Seventh Lie
That was Mother's Seventh Lie
In her dotage, Mother was attacked by cancer and had to be hospitalized. Now living far across the ocean, I went home to visit Mother who was bedridden after an operation. Mother tried to smile but I was heartbroken because she was so thin and feeble but Mother said, "Don't cry, son! I'm not in pain."
That was Mother's Eighth Lie.
That was Mother's Eighth Lie.
Telling me this, her eighth lie, she died.
YES, MOTHER WAS AN ANGEL!
YES, MOTHER WAS AN ANGEL!
M - O - T - H - E - R
"M" is for the Million things she gave me,
"O" means Only that she's growing old,
"T" is for the Tears she shed to save me,
"H" is for her Heart of gold,
"E" is for her Eyes with love-light shining in them,
R" means Right, and right she'll always be,
"O" means Only that she's growing old,
"T" is for the Tears she shed to save me,
"H" is for her Heart of gold,
"E" is for her Eyes with love-light shining in them,
R" means Right, and right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER"
A word that means the world to me.
For those of you who are lucky to be still blessed with your Mom's presence on Earth, this story is beautiful. For those who aren't so blessed, this is even more beautiful.
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Thursday, June 10, 2010
Interesting Facts
1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
2. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "MT"
3. Almonds are members of the peach family.
4. The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.
5. The dot over the letter 'I is called a tittle.
6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
7. The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
8. "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."
9. There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosis.
11. The only other word with the same amount of letters is its plural: pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosesl.
12. The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangiha ngakoauauotamate aturipukakapikim aungahoronukup okaiwe-nuakit natahu, a New Zealand hill.
13. Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reinade Los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size,L.A.
14. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
15. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
16. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.
17. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
18. Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
19. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.
21. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
23. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the,there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
24. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
28. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
30. The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti
31. 'Stewardesses' is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.
33. The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways; the following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."
34. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
35. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."
36. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.
37. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
38. The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead."
39. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
2. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "MT"
3. Almonds are members of the peach family.
4. The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.
5. The dot over the letter 'I is called a tittle.
6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
7. The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
8. "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."
9. There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosis.
11. The only other word with the same amount of letters is its plural: pneumonoultramicros copicsilicovolca noconiosesl.
12. The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangiha ngakoauauotamate aturipukakapikim aungahoronukup okaiwe-nuakit natahu, a New Zealand hill.
13. Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reinade Los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size,L.A.
14. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
15. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
16. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.
17. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
18. Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
19. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.
21. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
23. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the,there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
24. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
28. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
30. The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti
31. 'Stewardesses' is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.
33. The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways; the following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."
34. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
35. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."
36. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.
37. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
38. The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead."
39. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
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Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Be Joyful
Whatever you enjoy, you improve. Enjoy where you are,
and suddenly where you are has more value.
Enjoy the moment you're living.
Enjoy the moment you're living.
And suddenly the moment offers new and positive possibilities.
Enjoy what you're doing. By so doing, you transform your effort
Enjoy what you're doing. By so doing, you transform your effort
into a pathway to success and achievement.
You can always find a reason to be miserable.
But being miserable will accomplish nothing.
Being joyful, on the other hand, will put you in a positive,
Being joyful, on the other hand, will put you in a positive,
productive, effective frame of mind.
You'll be well positioned to accomplish and succeed.
Whatever this day may hold, find something to truly enjoy about it.
And you will have found your own best path forward.
~Ralph Marston~
~Ralph Marston~
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Just Beyond Impossible
When it seems like everything is breaking down, the time is
Ripe for a real breakthrough. In turmoil there is great
Opportunity.
When the only choice is to find a new way forward, you're in
A great position to find that way. When you have nothing
Left to fall back on, you'll figure out how to move ahead.
What seems impossible is impossible only from your current
Perspective. Just beyond impossible is the chance to jump up
To a higher level.
Imagine what you could accomplish if you were ten times as
Effective as you are right now. When circumstances are
Compelling enough, you are completely capable of making such
A leap.
What challenges you, improves you. Whatever challenges you
To the extreme can push you into a breakthrough.
Are you ready to move beyond impossible? Make your reasons
Meaningful enough, so that you have no other choice, and you
Will.
~Ralph Marston~
Ripe for a real breakthrough. In turmoil there is great
Opportunity.
When the only choice is to find a new way forward, you're in
A great position to find that way. When you have nothing
Left to fall back on, you'll figure out how to move ahead.
What seems impossible is impossible only from your current
Perspective. Just beyond impossible is the chance to jump up
To a higher level.
Imagine what you could accomplish if you were ten times as
Effective as you are right now. When circumstances are
Compelling enough, you are completely capable of making such
A leap.
What challenges you, improves you. Whatever challenges you
To the extreme can push you into a breakthrough.
Are you ready to move beyond impossible? Make your reasons
Meaningful enough, so that you have no other choice, and you
Will.
~Ralph Marston~
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Sunday, April 25, 2010
Terrific Tongue Twisters to Twist Your Tongue
1. If you understand, say "understand" . If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!
2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
4. A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.
6. If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
7. I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.
8. Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"
9. Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.
10. SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES
11. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
12. If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"
13. We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. Watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.
14. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
15. A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue
16. If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.
17. Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
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Friday, April 23, 2010
Great Happiness
Not long ago I answered a telephone call
From an old friend I'd not heard from for a long time.
'Hi,' he said.
'I just wanted to see how you're getting along.'
For whatever reason,
Our paths had simply not crossed for a long, long, time.
It was good to talk with him.
I wondered why we hadn't kept in touch better.
Toward the end of the conversation, he said,
'If you need me in any way,
I'll be happy to help out.' And he meant it!
That call came at just the right time, as they so often do.
I needed those words of encouragement.
I hung up the phone feeling
A satisfying lump of warmth in my chest.
And that day I re-learned something important about life:
Life is primarily about people,
Not plans and schedules,
Not to-do lists and a million tasks left undone -
it's about PEOPLE!!
To love and to know that we are loved
Is the greatest happiness of existence.
And happiness seems to be something
That is in short supply for too many of us!
My friend reminded me that it is never enough
Just to love; we must also express it.
What good are our affectionate feelings
Toward others if we don't find ways to let them know?
George William Childs put it like this:
'Do not keep the alabaster box of your love
And friendship sealed up until
Your friends are dead.
Fill their lives with sweetness.
Speak approving, cheering words
While their ears can hear them and
While their hearts can be thrilled and made happier.
The kind things you mean to say
When they are gone, say before they go.'
From an old friend I'd not heard from for a long time.
'Hi,' he said.
'I just wanted to see how you're getting along.'
For whatever reason,
Our paths had simply not crossed for a long, long, time.
It was good to talk with him.
I wondered why we hadn't kept in touch better.
Toward the end of the conversation, he said,
'If you need me in any way,
I'll be happy to help out.' And he meant it!
That call came at just the right time, as they so often do.
I needed those words of encouragement.
I hung up the phone feeling
A satisfying lump of warmth in my chest.
And that day I re-learned something important about life:
Life is primarily about people,
Not plans and schedules,
Not to-do lists and a million tasks left undone -
it's about PEOPLE!!
To love and to know that we are loved
Is the greatest happiness of existence.
And happiness seems to be something
That is in short supply for too many of us!
My friend reminded me that it is never enough
Just to love; we must also express it.
What good are our affectionate feelings
Toward others if we don't find ways to let them know?
George William Childs put it like this:
'Do not keep the alabaster box of your love
And friendship sealed up until
Your friends are dead.
Fill their lives with sweetness.
Speak approving, cheering words
While their ears can hear them and
While their hearts can be thrilled and made happier.
The kind things you mean to say
When they are gone, say before they go.'
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Friday, April 9, 2010
75 Questions
An old proverb says, “He that cannot ask cannot live”. If you want answers you have to ask questions. These are 75 questions you should ask yourself and try to answer. You can ask yourself these questions right now and over the course of your life.
1. Why not me?
2. Am I nice?
3. Am I doing what I really want to do?
4. What am I grateful for?
5. What’s missing in my life?
6. Am I honest?
7. Do I listen to others?
8. Do I work hard?
9. Do I help others?
10. What do I need to change about myself?
2. Am I nice?
3. Am I doing what I really want to do?
4. What am I grateful for?
5. What’s missing in my life?
6. Am I honest?
7. Do I listen to others?
8. Do I work hard?
9. Do I help others?
10. What do I need to change about myself?
11. Have I hurt others?
12. Do I complain?
13. What’s next for me?
14. Do I have fun?
15. Have I seized opportunities?
16. Do I care about others?
17. Do I spend enough time with my family?
18. Am I open-minded?
19. Have I seen enough of the world?
20. Do I judge others?
12. Do I complain?
13. What’s next for me?
14. Do I have fun?
15. Have I seized opportunities?
16. Do I care about others?
17. Do I spend enough time with my family?
18. Am I open-minded?
19. Have I seen enough of the world?
20. Do I judge others?
21. Do I take risks?
22. What is my purpose?
23. What is my biggest fear?
24. How can I conquer that fear?
25. Do I thank people enough?
26. Am I successful?
27. What am I ashamed of?
28. Do I annoy others?
29. What are my dreams?
22. What is my purpose?
23. What is my biggest fear?
24. How can I conquer that fear?
25. Do I thank people enough?
26. Am I successful?
27. What am I ashamed of?
28. Do I annoy others?
29. What are my dreams?
30. Am I positive?
31. Am I negative?
32. Is there an afterlife?
33. Does everything happen for a reason?
34. What can I do to change the world?
35. What is the most foolish thing I’ve ever done?
36. Am I cheap?
37. Am I greedy?
38. Who do I love?
39. Who do I want to meet?
40. Where do I want to go?
31. Am I negative?
32. Is there an afterlife?
33. Does everything happen for a reason?
34. What can I do to change the world?
35. What is the most foolish thing I’ve ever done?
36. Am I cheap?
37. Am I greedy?
38. Who do I love?
39. Who do I want to meet?
40. Where do I want to go?
41. What am I most proud of?
42. Do I care what others think about me?
43. What are my talents?
44. Do I utilize those talents?
45. What makes me happy?
46. What makes me sad?
47. What makes me angry?
48. Am I satisfied with my appearance?
49. Am I healthy?
50. What was the toughest time in my life?
42. Do I care what others think about me?
43. What are my talents?
44. Do I utilize those talents?
45. What makes me happy?
46. What makes me sad?
47. What makes me angry?
48. Am I satisfied with my appearance?
49. Am I healthy?
50. What was the toughest time in my life?
51. What was the easiest time in my life?
52. Am I selfish?
53. What was the craziest thing I did?
54. What is the craziest thing I want to do?
55. Do I procrastinate?
56. What is my greatest regret?
57. What has had the greatest impact on my life?
58. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
59. Do I stand up for myself?
52. Am I selfish?
53. What was the craziest thing I did?
54. What is the craziest thing I want to do?
55. Do I procrastinate?
56. What is my greatest regret?
57. What has had the greatest impact on my life?
58. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
59. Do I stand up for myself?
60. Have I settled for mediocrity?
61. Do I hold grudges?
62. Do I read enough?
63. Do I listen to my heart?
64. Do I donate enough to the less fortunate?
65. Do I pray only when I want something?
66. Do I constantly dwell on the past?
67. Do I let other people’s negativity affect me?
68. Do I forgive myself?
69. When I help someone do I think “What’s in it for me”?
61. Do I hold grudges?
62. Do I read enough?
63. Do I listen to my heart?
64. Do I donate enough to the less fortunate?
65. Do I pray only when I want something?
66. Do I constantly dwell on the past?
67. Do I let other people’s negativity affect me?
68. Do I forgive myself?
69. When I help someone do I think “What’s in it for me”?
70. Am I aware that someone always has it worse than me?
71. Do I smile more than I frown?
72. Do I surround myself with good people?
73. Do I take time out for myself?
74. Do I ask enough questions?
75. What other questions do I have?
71. Do I smile more than I frown?
72. Do I surround myself with good people?
73. Do I take time out for myself?
74. Do I ask enough questions?
75. What other questions do I have?
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Monday, March 15, 2010
I Made A Misteak
So, I made a mistake.
Mistakes happen. Not only do they happen, they are guaranteed.
My father used to say, the only way you won't make mistakes is
if you don't do anything, and that itself is a mistake.
if you don't do anything, and that itself is a mistake.
Too many are afraid to try something new because they feel they
might make an error. They are both right and wrong. Yes, they
will probably make errors but it is good to understand that
errors go with the territory.
might make an error. They are both right and wrong. Yes, they
will probably make errors but it is good to understand that
errors go with the territory.
You will never accomplish great or worthwhile things without
risk and risk generally means great mistake potential.
risk and risk generally means great mistake potential.
You are probably reading this by light bulbs invented by Thomas
Edison. He made over a thousand light bulbs that didn't work.
The world would have called them mistakes. He said he learned a
thousand ways not to make a light bulb.
Edison. He made over a thousand light bulbs that didn't work.
The world would have called them mistakes. He said he learned a
thousand ways not to make a light bulb.
The way to avoid mistakes is experience.
The way to get experience - Mistakes.
The way to get experience - Mistakes.
Don't feel bad because you messed up with something.
Don't be afraid to venture out into a good thing because you are
afraid that you might mess up.
Don't be afraid to venture out into a good thing because you are
afraid that you might mess up.
While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, another is
busy making mistakes and becoming superior.
busy making mistakes and becoming superior.
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be
made, in a narrow field.
We have to keep trying things we're not sure we can pull off.
If we just do the things we know we can do... you don't grow as
much. You gotta take those chances on making those big mistakes.
If we just do the things we know we can do... you don't grow as
much. You gotta take those chances on making those big mistakes.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Woman over 40
In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all.
Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!
Forward to five fine, fun, fabulous, fancy-free female friends over 40 or who have female friends over 40!
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