Lets laugh

Santa: Why are you heating the knife
Banta: To do suicide
Santa: But why are you heating it?
Banta: To prevent infection... .

***************************************************************************

"Dad," said Fred to his father, a bank robber.
"I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow."
"OK, son," said his dad, "I'll get you the cash when the bank closes."


***************************************************************************


Two men were hunting when one of them saw a rabbit. “Quick,” said the first, “shoot it.” “I can’t,” said the second. “My gun isn’t loaded.” “Well,” said the first,” you know that, and I know that, but the rabbit doesn’t.” ....

***************************************************************************

The sheriff of a town was also a veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's

***************************************************************************


Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?
Girlfriend: It is sufficient for me, but how will you survive?....

***************************************************************************

Please, ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"
The teacher was rather bewildered.
"Don't you mean Michael?" she asked.
"No, ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

***************************************************************************

Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 100. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? ....

***************************************************************************

Patient: Tell me honestly, how am I?
Dentist: Your teeth are fine, but your gums will have to come out....

***************************************************************************

Santa: Why have you increased speed of the car?
Banta: The brake has failed. We should reach home before an accident takes place

***************************************************************************

Girl comes late to class.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Girl: A boy was following me, sir.
Teacher: So, what?
Girl: He was walking very slowly....

***************************************************************************

Gerald: "Have you ever come across a man who, at the slightest touch, causes a thrill and makes you tremble?"
Mabel: "Yes, the dentist" ....

***************************************************************************

A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me... They must be gods!
A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me... I must be a god! ....

***************************************************************************

Commerce professor asks a student: What is the most important source of finance for starting a business?
Student: Father-in-law. ...