A “Tom Girl”

“Somer, it time to go to Big Momma’s house!” shouted her baby brother. “Come on, it is
time to go!”
Every summer for two week, Somer and her baby brother would go to their
grandmother’s house in the country.
Somer loved spending time with her Big Momma in her garden, and sitting on the front
porch learning all about her family’s history.
“What was my mother like as a girl?” Somer would ask her Big Momma. “Did she look
and act like me?”
“She looked just like you,” replied Big Momma.
Early the next morning, Somer’s baby brother got up to go fishing with his friends. Now,
during the school year, Somer had to wear a pretty dress, but while at Big Momma’s
house, she wore blue jeans with holes in the knees.
“What do you call yourself doing?” asked Somer’s baby brother. “You can’t go fishing
with the boys.”
“And, why not,” said Somer. “I will catch a bigger fish than all of you boys put together.”
“You are nothing but an old Tom Boy,” teased Somer’s baby brother. “You will be afraid
to bait your hook with a worm, or even catch a fish.”
After retrieving a cane pole from the shed, Somer slowly walked behind the boys to the
lake
"Hey, where are the worms!” shouted Somer.
Somer then went over to the can of worms and got a big juicy one out. She baited her
hook and tossed the line out in the lake. Some of her brother’s friends just stared in
amazement."
About thirty minutes later, Somer’s pole was almost snatched from her hands. And,
with all of her might, she pulled straight up.
“I got a fish!” shouted Somer. “And, it is a big one!”
“Don’t lose it!” shouted Somer’s baby brother. “You have a catfish!”
Seconds later, the biggest fish Somer or any of the boys came sailing straight out of the
water. Somer reeled in her fish and took it off of the hook and into the bucket.
The other boys just stared in amazement.
“Somer, were exactly where you fishing?” asked the other boys. “Show me how you
cast in your line.”
Somer’s brother stood by the bank.
Eventually, Somer’s brother broke his silence, "Hey, sis, can you show me how to fish?"

Thanks
Mr. Geary Smith
119 Kollman
Mexia, Texas 76667
(254) 562-2720
E-mail: smithgeary@yahoo.com

Greedy Boy - A short moral story for kids

There lived a twin brother called Sam and Tom! They were identical twins, even their mother found it too hard to differentiate between them during the initial months of birth. However, they were like two poles when it comes to everything other than their appearance. They neither agree with anything nor do they share even one single trait! Sam had no friends, whereas for Tom the world was friendship. Sam loved sweets and Tom loved to eat spicy foods. Sam was mommy’s pet and Tom was daddy’s pet. While Sam was generous, Tom was greedy! As they grew up, their father wanted to share his fortune equally. However, Tom did not agree and he argued that whoever is more intelligent and strong, will gain higher share of wealth than other. Sam agreed. Their father decided to organize a competition between the two. And they ordered the two sons to walk as long as they can in and they should return home before the sunset. Whoever covers the longer distance and returns home before sunset will get huge amount of wealth proportionate to the distance they covered. They don’t carry watch to calculate time. Both started to walk a long way during a sunny day. Sam walked slowly and steadily, while Tom urged to win over Sam started to run instantly. The distance they cover until mid-noon will be equal to the distance they would reach home before sunset. It was mid-noon and Sam decided to return back as he could reach home on time. However, Tom, with his greediness to earn more wealth, did not turn his way back home even after mid-noon. He walked two times longer distance that what Sam was covered and decided to return back before the sunset. He urged to return home as the Sun turned orange in the evening. Unfortunately, he could not even make half way to home and the moon rises. He lost the race and was defeated because of greediness! GREEDINESS WILL MAKE YOU LOSE EVERYTHING

Loneliness

 Fanny Howe, 1940

Loneliness is not an accident or a choice.

It’s an uninvited and uncreated companion.

It slips in beside you when you are not aware that a

choice you are making will have consequences.

It does you no good even though it’s like one of the

elements in the world that you cannot exist without.

It takes your hand and walks with you. It lies down

with you. It sits beside you. It’s as dark as a shadow

but it has substance that is familiar.

It swims with you and swings around on stools.

It boards the ferry and leans on the motel desk.

Nothing great happens as a result of loneliness.

Your character flaws remain in place. You still stop in

with friends and have wonderful hours among them,

but you must run as soon as you hear it calling.

It does call. And you climb the stairs obediently,

pushing aside books and notes to let it know that you

have returned to it, all is well.

If you don’t answer its call, you sense that it will sink

towards a deep gravity and adopt a limp.

From loneliness you learn very little. It pulls you

back, it pulls you down.

It’s the manifestation of a vow never made but kept:

I will go home now and forever in solitude.

And after that loneliness will accompany you to

every airport, train station, bus depot, café, cinema,

and onto airplanes and into cars, strange rooms and

offices, classrooms and libraries, and it will hang near

your hand like a habit.

But it isn’t a habit and no one can see it.

It’s your obligation, and your companion warms itself

against you.

You are faithful to it because it was the only vow you

made finally, when it was unnecessary.

If you figured out why you chose it, years later, would

you ask it to go?

How would you replace it?

No, saying good-bye would be too embarrassing.

Why?

First you might cry.

Because shame and loneliness are almost one.

Shame at existing in the first place. Shame at being

visible, taking up space, breathing some of the sky,

sleeping in a whole bed, asking for a share.

Loneliness feels so much like shame, it always seems

to need a little more time on its own.

The Dream

Love, if I weep it will not matter,

  And if you laugh I shall not care;

Foolish am I to think about it,

  But it is good to feel you there.

Love, in my sleep I dreamed of waking, —

  White and awful the moonlight reached

Over the floor, and somewhere, somewhere,

  There was a shutter loose, —it screeched!

Swung in the wind, — and no wind blowing! —

  I was afraid, and turned to you,

Put out my hand to you for comfort, —

  And you were gone!  Cold, cold as dew,

Under my hand the moonlight lay!

  Love, if you laugh I shall not care,

But if I weep it will not matter, —

  Ah, it is good to feel you there!

Edna St. Vincent Millay, 1892 - 1950

Daddy

You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Daddy, I have had to kill you.
You died before I had time--
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Big as a Frisco seal

And a head in the freakish Atlantic
Where it pours bean green over blue
In the waters off beautiful Nauset.
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.

In the German tongue, in the Polish town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.
My Polack friend

Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.

It stuck in a barb wire snare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.
And the language obscene

An engine, an engine
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna
Are not very pure or true.
With my gipsy ancestress and my weird luck
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.

I have always been scared of you,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo.
And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You--

Not God but a swastika
So black no sky could squeak through.
Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

You stand at the blackboard, daddy,
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the black man who

Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the screw.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.

If I've killed one man, I've killed two--
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There's a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through.

by Sylvia Plath

A Blue Valentine

For Aline

Monsignore,
Right Reverend Bishop Valentinus,
Sometime of Interamna, which is called Ferni,
Now of the delightful Court of Heaven,
I respectfully salute you,
I genuflect
And I kiss your episcopal ring.

It is not, Monsignore,
The fragrant memory of your holy life,
Nor that of your shining and joyous martyrdom,
Which causes me now to address you.
But since this is your august festival, Monsignore,
It seems appropriate to me to state
According to a venerable and agreeable custom,
That I love a beautiful lady.
Her eyes, Monsignore,
Are so blue that they put lovely little blue reflections
On everything that she looks at,
Such as a wall
Or the moon
Or my heart.
It is like the light coming through blue stained glass,
Yet not quite like it,
For the blueness is not transparent,
Only translucent.
Her soul's light shines through,
But her soul cannot be seen.
It is something elusive, whimsical, tender, wanton, infantile, wise
And noble.
She wears, Monsignore, a blue garment,
Made in the manner of the Japanese.
It is very blue-
I think that her eyes have made it more blue,
Sweetly staining it
As the pressure of her body has graciously given it form.
Loving her, Monsignore,
I love all her attributes;
But I believe
That even if I did not love her
I would love the blueness of her eyes,
And her blue garment, made in the manner of the Japanese.

Monsignore,
I have never before troubled you with a request.
The saints whose ears I chiefly worry with my pleas
are the most exquisite and maternal Brigid,
Gallant Saint Stephen, who puts fire in my blood,
And your brother bishop, my patron,
The generous and jovial Saint Nicholas of Bari.
But, of your courtesy, Monsignore,
Do me this favour:
When you this morning make your way
To the Ivory Throne that bursts into bloom with roses
because of her who sits upon it,
When you come to pay your devoir to Our Lady,
I beg you, say to her:
"Madame, a poor poet, one of your singing servants yet on earth,
Has asked me to say that at this moment he is especially grateful to you
For wearing a blue gown".

by Joyce Kilmer

The Poor Ghost

"Oh whence do you come, my dear friend, to me,
With your golden hair all fallen below your knee,
And your face as white as snowdrops on the lea,
And your voice as hollow as the hollow sea?"

"From the other world I come back to you,

My locks are uncurled with dripping drenching dew.

You know the old, whilst I know the new:
But tomorrow you shall know this too."

"Oh not tomorrow into the dark, I pray;
Oh not tomorrow, too soon to go away:

Here I feel warm and well-content and gay:

Give me another year, another day."

"Am I so changed in a day and a night

That mine own only love shrinks from me with fright,

Is fain to turn away to left or right
And cover up his eyes from the sight?"

"Indeed I loved you, my chosen friend,
I loved you for life, but life has an end;
Thro' sickness I was ready to tend:

But death mars all, which we cannot mend.

"Indeed I loved you; I love you yet
If you will stay where your bed is set,
Where I have planted a violet

Which the wind waves, which the dew makes wet."

"Life is gone, then love too is gone,
It was a reed that I leant upon:
Never doubt 1 will leave you alone

And not wake you rattling bone with bone.

"I go home alone to my bed,

Dug deep at the foot and deep at the head,
Roofed in with a load of lead,

Warm enough for the forgotten dead.

"But why did your tears soak thro' the clay,
And why did your sobs wake me where I lay?
I was away, far enough away:

Let me sleep now till the Judgment Day."

by Christina Rossetti

Unhappy Christmas

What did you get for Christmas?
Was it something nice?
I'm sitting here in Casualty,
My face is packed with ice.

I dread it every Christmas,
They never give me toys,
Daddy will get drunk again,
His nights out with the boys.

I know he doesn't mean it,
He's far to drunk to know,
He hits me hard for nothing,
And bruises always show.

A Christmas to remember,
The policemen had to call,
They took my Dad away this time,
He said I'd had a fall.

He's really done it this time,
An ambulance had to come,
That's why I'm sitting here in Casualty,
Waiting with me Mum. 

by Steve Woodman

Inspiration

You ask me if I love you,
Then you suck the lips off my face
And chew on the delicacy of their maroon creases.
'Body shop' lipstick, no. 12;
The taste of compact slabs of cherry.
This cheap adolescent disguise has guided me through all
my realizations.

I left it on the edge of plastic vodka glasses and blood smeared mirrors,
On the foreskins of Greek men,
And finally, on all your cliched perfume soaked letters.
Now it is in your mouth, your throat, your stomach.
You have swallowed my teens and all those fermented mistakes.

The ones I danced into blind,
Fumbling for an urgent exit
In whitewashed jeans and tobacco coated pockets.
All the words that flew out and assaulted
Steve, Damien, Kieren, Gary, Ben
(and all the others my high tech brain has crashed out and deleted),
Have left open wounds in my voice box,
gauged by their barbed wire font.

But as you savor the many varied tastes of my existence,
I can feel my insides frantically stitching and nursing
my pubescent cuts and bruises. Healing in seconds.
Now I am your fetus and everything is warm.

You feed me with a mother's strength and make me reborn,
Without all these zits and misadventures.
My new born 'Halleaugh' scream, realized from sterilized lungs
will be pristine, no lipstick stains in sight.

The answer to your question is
"Yes, Yes, Yes! "
Yes, I love you.
YOUR PURPLE MECHANICAL PALMS,
THAT AT NIGHT SOFTEN LIKE CHOCOLATE IN THE SUNLIGHT
AND MELT INTO MY THIGHS.
YOUR HEAVY TORTURED EYES, YOUR LAUGHTER
AND THE WAY YOU INHALE YOUR MARLBORO.
Yes, Yes, Yes.

I swirl out of your anesthetic
With a bacon rind for a belly button
And that's my first word,
A singular syllable.

I can turn the lens until my eyes are in focus,
And you, my surgeon, become my mother.
"Your adolescence has been successfully removed.
The operation was beautiful, wonderful,
Just fine. "

My log in word is 'You'.
That is all I remember.
I am a blank canvas, a cut- price jotter pad, an overflowing biro.
Write all over me.

Scrawl your name in my razor sharp armpits,
In my louse- free hair, my eyelashes bulging with years of mascara.
Practice your joined up handwriting on
My Mound of Venus and the folds of my labia;
Magenta pink and bald.

I am your Frankenstein,
but I promise not to fail.
I will get top marks in my oral stage, my anal stage
And all the others I don't remember,
Because we hit the doodle stage in class.

With you, I will grow old and withered
And our tree roots will be dangerously entwined with time.
We will become soil once again and make love amongst the worms.
'Yes' will be always be my answer, my mantra.
You will always be my host, my vessel;
A place to store my happiness and tears.

by Mimi

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Try everything twice. On Madam's tombstone (of Whelan's and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: "Tried everything twice...loved it both times!" 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches.) 3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's! 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with him/her. 6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is. 10. Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity. 11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance. 12. Lost time can never be found.

A Step-by-Step Guide to Completing Homework (at the hostel)

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to the nearby cafe and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, drop him. 5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it. 7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate. 8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror. 9. Listen to one side of your favourite tape and that's it-- I mean it! As soon as it's over you are going to start that paper. 10. Listen to the other side. 11. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order. 12. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large. 13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savour its special flavour. 15. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from 'Rahul Dulhaniyan Le Jayenge' to every Zee or Sony soap is truly worthwhile. 16. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot. 17. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror. 18. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is. 19. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future. 20. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall. 21. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 22. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it. 23. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise. 24. Lie face down on the floor and scream at the top of your lungs. 25. Leap up and write the paper. 26. Type the paper. 27. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write the paper.

Sourced from the net by Batchmates member

Tentacle Plunger

From Art Lebedev studios, the "octopus" plunger, which creates the amusing illusion of a tentacled poop-monster's questing appendage reaching up out of the pan.

Cup Holder

Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it.

The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

Too Many Fires

A new firefighter was being trained by an old fire chief.

"How would you react if a sudden fire flared up on the front of the building?" asked the fire chief.

"Break out a fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.

"How would you react if another fire flared up in the back of the building?" asked the fire chief.

"Break out another fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.

"And if another huge fire flared up in the basement, how would you react?" asked the fire chief.

"Break out another fire hose." answered the new firefighter.

"Now wait a minute, son," said the fire chief. "Where are all these fire hoses coming from?"

The new firefighter answered, "The same place where all of the fires are coming from, chief."

Money

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"

She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."

"Yes," the wife said, "I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

Cinderella Would Be Shocked

Sure, there are some pretty stupid criminals out there. Yet this excerpt from a Washington Post article proves that not all criminals are dumb – in fact, some are so clever that the Post labeled this article, "The Best Comeback Line Ever"

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.

Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, Picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's... just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Darn...is it midnight already?"

The World’s Funniest Real Ads

Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:

Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.

For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.

Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.

Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.

Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.

Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 -- $9 per hour.

Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.

Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.

Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.

Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts

Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.

Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER.

Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.

Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.

Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.

German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.

Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.

Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products."

Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.

Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.

Hummels – Largest selection ever. "If it’s in stock, then we have it!"

1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.

Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.

Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club.

Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.

Duck Hunting

He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on.

In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill. So, out of the back of the nw Navigator truck comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.

Now, these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and from the new Navigator truck), and they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the lit dynamite fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite as far away as they can.

Remember a couple of sentences back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns, and the dog??

Let's talk about the dog: it's a highly trained Labrador used for RETRIEVING. Especially well trained at retrieving things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming.

One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 birdshot, hardly big enough to stop a Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator truck..

The men continue to yell as they run away. The exhaust pipe on the truck is still hot, so the dog yelps and drops the dynamite under the truck, and takes off after his master.

Then --BOOM-- the truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened"look on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED. He still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments!!!

And you thought your day was not going well.

Fish Oil - Sure it’s Good for You,

but Makes Your Breathe Smell like Sea Sewage

1. Less Pain and Inflammation.
Omega 3 fatty acids, particularly EPA, have a very positive effect on your inflammatory response. Through several mechanisms, they regulate your body's inflammation cycle, which prevents and relieves painful conditions like arthritis, prostatitis, cystitis and anything else ending in "itis."



2. Cardiovascular Health.
Omega 3 fatty acids have also been proven to work wonders for your heart and the miles and miles of arteries and veins that make up your cardiovascular system. They help to lower cholesterol, tryglicerides, LDLs and blood pressure, while at the same time increasing good HDL cholesterol. This adds years to your life expectancy.



3. Protection from Stroke and Heart Attack.
When plaque builds up on arterial walls and then breaks loose, it causes what's known as a thrombosis, which is a fancy way of saying clot. If a clot gets stuck in the brain, it causes a stroke and when it plugs an artery, it causes a heart attack. Research shows omega 3 fatty acids break up clots before they can cause any damage.



4. Better Brain Function and Higher Intelligence.
Pregnant and nursing mothers can have a great impact on the intelligence and happiness of their babies by supplementing with fish oil. For adults, omega 3 improves memory, recall, reasoning and focus. You'll swear you're getting younger and smarter.



5. Less Depression and Psychosis.
Making you smarter is not all omega 3 does for your brain. Psychiatry department researchers at the University of Sheffield, along with many other research studies, found that omega 3 fish oil supplements "alleviate" the symptoms of depression, bipolar and psychosis (Journal of Affective Disorder Vol. 48(2-3);149- 55).



6. Lower Incidence of Childhood Disorders.
Just to show how fish oil fatty acids leave nobody out, studies show that children (and adults) with ADD and ADHD experience a greatly improved quality of life. And those with dyslexia, dyspraxia and compulsive disorders have gotten a new lease on life thanks to omega 3 oils.

7. Reduction of Breast, Colon and Prostate Cancer. And finally, omega 3 fish oil has been shown to help prevent three of the most common forms of cancer – breast, colon and prostate. Science tells us that omega 3s accomplish this in three ways. They stop the alteration from a normal healthy cell to a cancerous mass, inhibiting unwanted cellular growth and causing apoptosis, or cellular death, of cancer cells.

This Is How Beggars Make Fool Of Us......

Beggars Tricks....

Sorry If Seen Before...



Friends u have seen road side beggars with open wounds and all....All of them are not real for sure....


Look at these pics and decide.....


Material Needed 4 this con-art - red ink, cotton pad,white glue, tooth pick (tiny sticks). cotton wool, if no red ink you can use animal blood

Use white glue to create the wound surrounding

wait for the glue to dry
Use tooth pick to create the wound area




Use a dishwasher pad to spread the extra glue



use cotton pad with red ink (not too much) to strengthen the surrounding scratched area.



Some place with more and some with less ink to make it look more real. Wait to dry



finished.

JOB WELL DONE