Daddy

You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Daddy, I have had to kill you.
You died before I had time--
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Big as a Frisco seal

And a head in the freakish Atlantic
Where it pours bean green over blue
In the waters off beautiful Nauset.
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.

In the German tongue, in the Polish town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.
My Polack friend

Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.

It stuck in a barb wire snare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.
And the language obscene

An engine, an engine
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna
Are not very pure or true.
With my gipsy ancestress and my weird luck
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.

I have always been scared of you,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo.
And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You--

Not God but a swastika
So black no sky could squeak through.
Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

You stand at the blackboard, daddy,
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the black man who

Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the screw.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.

If I've killed one man, I've killed two--
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There's a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through.

by Sylvia Plath

Just follow the Tracks

3 men are stranded in the middle of the Canadian Forest and they don't know where they are at. They decide that they have to find some food. So the first man leaves and tells the other 2 that he is going to get some food.

Several Hours later, he comes back with a deer over his shoulder. The other 2 are amazed and ask him how he got a deer with no weopans. He replies, " I find tracks, i follow tracks, i get deer". They both are slightly confused but let it go.

1 week later, they have eaten the deer, so they need to get more food. The second guy leaves and says that he is going to get food. He comes back a couple hours later with a elk over his shoulder. The other 2 ask how he got the elk. He simply replies, "I find tracks, i follow tracks, i get Elk".

5 days later, they have eaten the elk, so they need more food. The third guy, feeling very cocky, thinks to himslef, " This is going to be a piece of cake. The other guys got the other animals so easy. I'm going to get an animal better than their's put together!". So he leaves to get some food. They wait a couple hours... he doesn't come back. They wait another couple hours, he is still missing.

Finally, after 9 hours of waiting, they see him coming back. His clothes are torn rags, he is covered in dirt with scrapes and bruises all over his body. He is bleeding from different gashes in his arms and legs along with one on the side of head. They ask, " What happened!". He looks at them, wide-eyed and confused, and replies, " I find tracks, I follow tracks, i get hit my train".

Run

I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes.

However, I must share the following:

After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to type "R," "U," "N" and press return to see the program execute.

A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention, and the person attached to the hand said, "I did what you said and it didn't work." Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer, I suggested she retype "R," "U," "N" and press return. A few seconds later, the lady's hand goes up again. "It still doesn't work," she said.

So... I went back to see what the problem was ... only to find that instead of typing RUN, she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN !

Too Many Fires

A new firefighter was being trained by an old fire chief.

"How would you react if a sudden fire flared up on the front of the building?" asked the fire chief.

"Break out a fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.

"How would you react if another fire flared up in the back of the building?" asked the fire chief.

"Break out another fire hose and start spraying it, chief." answered the new firefighter.

"And if another huge fire flared up in the basement, how would you react?" asked the fire chief.

"Break out another fire hose." answered the new firefighter.

"Now wait a minute, son," said the fire chief. "Where are all these fire hoses coming from?"

The new firefighter answered, "The same place where all of the fires are coming from, chief."

FIFTY SOMETHING

“Do you know...what day it is?”
“Nope”...said my beau. “What's today?”
“Well! If you can't remember”, I cried
“I'm not gonna say.
Well aren't you gonna ask me?”
I insisted with a few tears.
“Alright”, he said...”you're fifty today...
and you have been for three or four years”.

That wasn't what I wanted to hear.
Just a few...simple birthday wishes,
a romantic night...a bottle of wine
and someone to do the dishes.
Instead...like a mature plucked Cinderella
with mascara blurred...eyes
my Prince Charming declares he's swapping
my fifty for two twenty fives.

He'll have a problem handling two;
his belly hangs below his belt.
He said my boobs were no better
like saddle bags...last time he felt.
See...they fall underneath me arms.
He knelt on 'em once and they spread.
Reckoned he was leaning forward
to switch on the light overhead.

He can't do things...like he used to
gets short winded and very abrupt.
When we were young...he worked all night
now he's all night...working it up.
Mind you...I don't give him a lot of help
like I did when I was young.
The elasticity has left my vital parts
you could say...spring has sprung.

We try to get together...
was recommended a book called "Fore Play"
wasn't a crossword or card game in it,
and the pictures were worn away.
I looked at myself in the mirror
perhaps the problem lies with me.
Surely the body doesn't fall apart...
...life begins at fifty.

I need to recharge by batteries,
get rid of my facial hair,
buy new underwire bras,
make 'em look like a pair.
My beau used a whipper snipper on my face,
“I'll trim it”...he said...”it won't pull”.
So I laid on the floor with his foot on my neck,
it started...then ran out of fuel.
Just as well...it went berserk,
desexed our neighbour’s cat.
I said...”Whatever you do...don't mention it...
when you give 'em the snipper back.”

I've been going to the gym lately,
I wear the correct gear...
you know...leotards with that skinny strap
on the strategic part of your rear.
No-one told me to wear tights as well
as I sat on the rowing machine.
Imagine how I felt...when a man pulled it out,
thank goodness it came out clean.
I'm preparing my body and keeping fit,
you know age is a state of mind too,
don't ask me what state I'm in,
let's just say...’Thirty Two.’

Copyright; Shirley Friend
From her book 'Another Dose From Floozie'

Remind Yourself

 If you know a little of yourself, you will have realized that you are

 more than meets your eyes in the mirror in the morning.

 

What you see is not what you are. You see the form not the

 content, the body not the soul, the matter not the mind.

In quiet and profound moments, we innately know that is true.

 

 But we forget.

The world tells us and wants us to believe that

 we are what we see - and we take the easy way out.

 We believe.

That's why the awakening of spirit and the flowering of our spirituality

 (nothing to do with religion)

 means we have to keep reminding ourselves, a hundred times a day,

I am a soul - not a body, I am an eternal spirit - not a perishable piece of meat.

 

I am quality, not quantity. I am. Otherwise, freedom is not possible.

 And if we are not free, in the deepest space inside our own being,

 we cannot be truly happy.

Honor This Day

Feel what a privilege it is to be alive today. Consider all
The possibilities available to you, right now.
 
See the wonder and the beauty all around you. Let yourself
Truly love who you are and where you are in this moment.
 
Sense the eagerness within you to get started, to make
Things happen, and to create value. That eagerness comes
From your genuine excitement about expressing yourself
Through your accomplishments.
 
Look at all the new ways that this day gives you to express
Who you are. Even the troubles, even the problems, and even
The obstacles give meaning to life because they give you
Something to build upon.
 
Life's many circumstances and situations give you a way to
Pull yourself up, and rise to a new level of being. Whatever
Comes your direction gives you a way to create value that
Will last beyond this day, value that will be with you
Always.
 
Honor this day, honor the possibilities in this day, honor
The love and the beauty in this day. Look around at all you
Have, and in this moment make it, in your own way, into
Something truly great.

~Ralph Marston~

The way You Chooose To Live

Good fortune may sometimes bring success sooner than it otherwise would have come.

 And bad luck may sometimes cause a temporary setback.
In the long run, though, success in life is not much affected by luck or by accidents.

 It is based on the character with which you live from day to day, moment to moment.
In fact, success is not really defined by any particular point that you reach.

 It is much more a matter of the way that you live.

In order to be successful, you do not need any particular circumstance or set of events.

 Real success comes from living with purpose and meaning.

That's something that requires no one else's consent, assistance or permission.

 It's something you can begin to do right here and now.

Fortune can bring you a fleeting windfall or a momentary setback.

 The way you choose to live, though, is what brings true, lasting success.

~Ralph Marston~

Do You Hate Someone?

A kindergarten teacher has decided to let her class play a game.

 

The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes.

 

Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates,

 

So the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates.

 

So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week.

 

Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended....

 

The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?". The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go.

 

Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said: "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime???"

 

Moral of the story: Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not carry sins for a lifetime. Forgiving others is the best attitude to take!

 

True love is not loving a perfect person but loving an imperfect person perfectly!!

~What Life is About~

Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend or if you're alone.
It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to date,
How many people you've dated, or if you haven't been
With anyone at all.

It isn't about who you have kissed,
It isn't about who your family is or
How much money they have
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you are sent to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
Or what kind of music you listen to.

It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown,
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get how smart you are, how smart
Everybody else thinks you are, or how smart
Standardized tests say you are.
It's not about what clubs you're in or how good
You are at "your" sport.
It's not about representing your whole being on a piece of
Paper and seeing who will "accept the written you."

Life just isn't.

Life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposely.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or as a weapon.
It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
It's about starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.
It's about what judgments you pass and why.
And who your judgments are spread to.

It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow
And spreading it.
But most of all, it's about using your life to touch or poison
Other people's hearts in such a way that could have
Never occurred alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected, and those
Choices are what life's all about.

To move ahead you need to believe in yourself...

Good parents give their children Roots and Wings.
Roots to know where home is,wings to fly away
And exercise what's been taught them.
 ~Jonas Salk~

My mother is my root, my foundation. She planted

 the seed that I base my life on, And that is the belief

that the ability to achieve starts in your mind.

- Michael Jordan

 

Failure is nature's plan to prepare you for great responsibilities.
~Napoleon Hill~

A bend in the road is not the end of the road...
Unless you fail to make the turn.
 ~Unknown~

 

Time sets the stage; fate writes the script; but only
We may choose our character. ~Liam Thomas Ryder~

 

The human brain is unique in that it is the only
Container of which it can be said that the more you put
Into it, the more it will hold.
 ~Glenn Doman~

 

We can let circumstances rule us,

 or we can take charge and rule our lives from within.

~Earl Nightingale~

 

Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one.
~Benjamin Franklin~

 

 

To move ahead you need to believe in yourself...

have conviction in your beliefs and the confidence

 to execute those beliefs.
 ~Adlin Sinclair~

 

The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross

 and which to burn.
 ~David Russell~

Power To Tolerate

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation.

 But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

 It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel,

 and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate.



 Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion,

 care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive

 in the process of giving.



And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem

 and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn

 tolerance into strength.

WHY GOD MADE MOMS

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

 

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. 

 He just used bigger parts.

 

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and

 everything nice in the world and  one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones.

Then they mostly use string, I think.

 

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

 

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess

 would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

 

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background.

 Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year?

 Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

 

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. 

And my Mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

 

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to

 because dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection.

She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

 

What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and

 dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power

 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4. Moms have magic; they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

 

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect.  Outside,

I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Dye it. You know her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.

  I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my mom smarter.

 Then she would know it was my sister

 who did it and not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those

 invisible eyes on the back of her head.

I Made A Misteak

So, I made a mistake.

Mistakes happen. Not only do they happen, they are guaranteed.

My father used to say, the only way you won't make mistakes is
if you don't do anything, and that itself is a mistake.

Too many are afraid to try something new because they feel they
might make an error. They are both right and wrong. Yes, they
will probably make errors but it is good to understand that
errors go with the territory.

You will never accomplish great or worthwhile things without
risk and risk generally means great mistake potential.

You are probably reading this by light bulbs invented by Thomas
Edison. He made over a thousand light bulbs that didn't work.
The world would have called them mistakes. He said he learned a
thousand ways not to make a light bulb.

The way to avoid mistakes is experience.
The way to get experience - Mistakes.

Don't feel bad because you messed up with something.
Don't be afraid to venture out into a good thing because you are
afraid that you might mess up.

While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, another is
busy making mistakes and becoming superior.

An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be
made, in a narrow field.

We have to keep trying things we're not sure we can pull off.
If we just do the things we know we can do... you don't grow as
much. You gotta take those chances on making those big mistakes.

Finally in this computer world on misteaks.
Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl yore mistakes.

Woman over 40

In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney  thinks about women over 40:

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all.

Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

 
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it.  She does something she wants to do,  and it's usually more interesting.

 
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

 
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

 
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

 
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

 
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

Forward to five fine, fun, fabulous, fancy-free female friends over 40 or who have female friends over 40!

In Relationship

1.    Never feel guilty about not able to cook

 

But do worry about not leading a healthy life style.

 

2.    Never feel guilty about earning more than him.

 

But do worry about not having time for each other.

 

3.    Never feel guilty about not having children

 

But do worry about not making an informed decision.

 

4.    Never feel guilty about not converting to his religion.

 

But do worry about biasing the children.

 

5.    Never feel guilty about keeping your surname.

 

But do worry about not understanding the implications of being couple.

 

6.    Never feel guilty about walking out of your marriage or partnership.

 

But do worry about making snap judgments about your partner.

 

7.    Never feel guilty about saying no to sex

 

But do worry about allowing days to turn into months and month to turn into problem.