An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation. Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison. Love, Dad.........Shortly, the old man received this telegram: "For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next.
His son's reply was: " Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you from here " ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******* Moral Of the Story NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
The Ultimate Truth
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else.
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.
Especially for engg. Students---- If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be more crowded than the other
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker
To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else.
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.
Especially for engg. Students---- If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be more crowded than the other
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker
Remedy for every Disease ( Nigella Seed )
B i s m i l l a a h i r R a h m a a n i r R a h e e m
[3. Surah Al-e-Imran : Ayah 104]
And from among you there should be a party who invite to good and enjoin what is right and forbid the wrong, and these it is that shall be successful.
[Sahih Muslim : Book 26 Kitab As-Salam, Number 5489]
Abu Huraira (Radi Allah Anhu) reported that he heard Allah's Messenger (sal-allahu- alleihi-wasallam ) as saying: Nigella seed is a remedy for every disease except death.
[Sahih Muslim : Book 26 Kitab As-Salam, Number 5490]
Abu Huraira (Radi Allah Anhu) reported Allah's Messenger (sal-allahu- alleihi-wasallam ) as saying: There is no disease for which Nigella seed does not provide remedy.
When A GIRL IS Quiet
When a GIRL is quiet,Millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing,She is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions,She is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds,She is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you,She is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest,She is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL calls you everyday,She is seeking for your attention.
When a GIRL sms's u everyday,She wants you to reply at least once.
When a GIRL says I love you,She means it.
When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,She has made up her mind that you are her future.
When a GIRL says "i miss you",No one in this world can miss you more than hers
When a GIRL is not arguing,She is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions,She is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds,She is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you,She is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest,She is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL calls you everyday,She is seeking for your attention.
When a GIRL sms's u everyday,She wants you to reply at least once.
When a GIRL says I love you,She means it.
When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,She has made up her mind that you are her future.
When a GIRL says "i miss you",No one in this world can miss you more than hers
Friday, November 28, 2008
Six Tips for Happiness
1. Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions -- such as fear, sadness, or anxiety -- as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.
2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning.
3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?
4. Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much.Read more articles : http://online-articles.org/happiness/site-map.php
5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do -- or don't do -- with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise,
Adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.
6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.
2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning.
3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?
4. Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much.Read more articles : http://online-articles.org/happiness/site-map.php
5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do -- or don't do -- with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise,
Adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.
6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.
The Hospital Window
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
The Cook
A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook
Cookies
____________________________
I saw a saw that could out saw any other saw I ever saw .
____________________________
Betty Botter bought some butter, but she said " this butter's bitter!
But a bit of better butter will but make my butter better" So she bought some
Better butter, better than the bitter butter, and it made her butter better so
'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter!
____________________________
Black bug bit a big black bear. But where is the big black bear that
The big black bug bit?
____________________________
A big bug bit the little beetle but the little beetle bit the big bug
Back.
____________________________
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
How do I understand that you understand? Understand!
____________________________
I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.
____________________________
RED BULB BLUE BULB RED BULB BLUE BULB
____________________________
"RED BLOOD BLUE BLOOD"
____________________________
I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the
Witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
____________________________
If a sledering snail went down a slippery slide would a snail sleder or
Slide down the slide- By S.Walton
____________________________
Bubble bobble, bubble bobble, bubble bobble
____________________________
These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue .
____________________________
Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
____________________________
Lala Gope Gappungam Das.
____________________________
You curse, I curse, we all curse, for asparagus!
____________________________
Kacha papaya pacca papaya Kacha papaya pacca papaya Kacha papaya pacca
Papaya.
____________________________
Double bubble gum, bubbles double.
____________________________
A sailor went to sea To see, what he could see. And all he could see
Was sea, sea, sea.
____________________________
A box of mixed biscuits, a mixed biscuit box.
____________________________
Upper roller lower roller Upper roller lower roller. ...
____________________________
Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
____________________________
If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which
Watch?
____________________________
Which watch did which witch wear and which witch wore which watch? .
____________________________
Six slippery snails, slid slowly seaward.
____________________________
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I
Wouldn't have thought so much.
____________________________
Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a
Fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a
Fellow means?"
____________________________
How much wood could a wood chuck; chuck if a wood chuck could chuck
Wood
____________________________
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
____________________________
An Ape hates grape cakes.
____________________________
She sells sea shells on the sea shore she sells sea shells no more
____________________________
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit. And on a slitted sheet I sit. I slit a
Sheet, a sheet I slit. The sheet I slit, that sheet was it.
____________________________
Any noise annoys an oyster but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more.
____________________________
SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE ,
BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS,
ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES
____________________________
A skunk sat on a stump. The stump thought the skunk stunk. The skunk
Thought the stump stunk . What stunk the skunk or the stump?
____________________________
The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside
Outside his inside inn.
____________________________
If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the
Doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or
Does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
____________________________
Baboon bamboo, baboon bamboo, baboon bamboo, baboon bamboo, baboon
Bamboo, baboon bamboo......
____________________________
My Bhaiya buys black Bananas by the bunch.
____________________________
The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne
Throughout Thursday.
____________________________
Daddy draws doors.Daddy draws doors.Daddy draws doors.
____________________________
Do tongue twisters twist your tongue?
____________________________
Friendly Fleas and Fire Flies
____________________________
If you notice this notice, you will notice that this notice is not
Worth noticing.
____________________________
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, FuzzyWuzzy wasn't very
fuzzy... was he???
____________________________
How many cans can a canner can, if a canner can can cans?
A canner can can as many cans as a canner can, if a canner can can
cans.
____________________________
How much wood could a wood chopper chop, if a wood chopper could chop
wood?
____________________________
If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug
bleed?
____________________________
If Freaky Fred Found Fifty Feet of Fruit and Fed Forty Feet to his
Friend Frank how many Feet of Fruit did Freaky Fred Find?
____________________________
Penny's pretty pink piggy bank
____________________________
"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the
doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the
doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"
____________________________
A tutor who tooted the flute, tried to tutor two tooters to toot. Said
the two to the tutor, 'Is it harder to toot or to tutor two tooters to
toot?'
____________________________
One smart fellow, he felt smart. Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they all felt smart.
____________________________
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
wheres the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
____________________________
Black bug's blood.
Crisp crusts crackle and crunch.
____________________________
It's not the cough that carries you off, it's the coffin they carry you
off in!
____________________________
Tie a knot, tie a knot.
Tie a tight, tight knot.
Tie a knot in the shape of a nought.
____________________________
Freshly-fried fat flying fish
____________________________
Rubber baby-buggy bumpers.
____________________________
Jolly juggling jesters jauntily juggled jingling jacks.
____________________________
Cookies
____________________________
I saw a saw that could out saw any other saw I ever saw .
____________________________
Betty Botter bought some butter, but she said " this butter's bitter!
But a bit of better butter will but make my butter better" So she bought some
Better butter, better than the bitter butter, and it made her butter better so
'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter!
____________________________
Black bug bit a big black bear. But where is the big black bear that
The big black bug bit?
____________________________
A big bug bit the little beetle but the little beetle bit the big bug
Back.
____________________________
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
How do I understand that you understand? Understand!
____________________________
I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.
____________________________
RED BULB BLUE BULB RED BULB BLUE BULB
____________________________
"RED BLOOD BLUE BLOOD"
____________________________
I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the
Witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
____________________________
If a sledering snail went down a slippery slide would a snail sleder or
Slide down the slide- By S.Walton
____________________________
Bubble bobble, bubble bobble, bubble bobble
____________________________
These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue .
____________________________
Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
____________________________
Lala Gope Gappungam Das.
____________________________
You curse, I curse, we all curse, for asparagus!
____________________________
Kacha papaya pacca papaya Kacha papaya pacca papaya Kacha papaya pacca
Papaya.
____________________________
Double bubble gum, bubbles double.
____________________________
A sailor went to sea To see, what he could see. And all he could see
Was sea, sea, sea.
____________________________
A box of mixed biscuits, a mixed biscuit box.
____________________________
Upper roller lower roller Upper roller lower roller. ...
____________________________
Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
____________________________
If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which
Watch?
____________________________
Which watch did which witch wear and which witch wore which watch? .
____________________________
Six slippery snails, slid slowly seaward.
____________________________
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I
Wouldn't have thought so much.
____________________________
Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a
Fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a
Fellow means?"
____________________________
How much wood could a wood chuck; chuck if a wood chuck could chuck
Wood
____________________________
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
____________________________
An Ape hates grape cakes.
____________________________
She sells sea shells on the sea shore she sells sea shells no more
____________________________
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit. And on a slitted sheet I sit. I slit a
Sheet, a sheet I slit. The sheet I slit, that sheet was it.
____________________________
Any noise annoys an oyster but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more.
____________________________
SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE ,
BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS,
ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES
____________________________
A skunk sat on a stump. The stump thought the skunk stunk. The skunk
Thought the stump stunk . What stunk the skunk or the stump?
____________________________
The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside
Outside his inside inn.
____________________________
If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the
Doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or
Does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
____________________________
Baboon bamboo, baboon bamboo, baboon bamboo, baboon bamboo, baboon
Bamboo, baboon bamboo......
____________________________
My Bhaiya buys black Bananas by the bunch.
____________________________
The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne
Throughout Thursday.
____________________________
Daddy draws doors.Daddy draws doors.Daddy draws doors.
____________________________
Do tongue twisters twist your tongue?
____________________________
Friendly Fleas and Fire Flies
____________________________
If you notice this notice, you will notice that this notice is not
Worth noticing.
____________________________
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, FuzzyWuzzy wasn't very
fuzzy... was he???
____________________________
How many cans can a canner can, if a canner can can cans?
A canner can can as many cans as a canner can, if a canner can can
cans.
____________________________
How much wood could a wood chopper chop, if a wood chopper could chop
wood?
____________________________
If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug
bleed?
____________________________
If Freaky Fred Found Fifty Feet of Fruit and Fed Forty Feet to his
Friend Frank how many Feet of Fruit did Freaky Fred Find?
____________________________
Penny's pretty pink piggy bank
____________________________
"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the
doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the
doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"
____________________________
A tutor who tooted the flute, tried to tutor two tooters to toot. Said
the two to the tutor, 'Is it harder to toot or to tutor two tooters to
toot?'
____________________________
One smart fellow, he felt smart. Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they all felt smart.
____________________________
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
if Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
wheres the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
____________________________
Black bug's blood.
Crisp crusts crackle and crunch.
____________________________
It's not the cough that carries you off, it's the coffin they carry you
off in!
____________________________
Tie a knot, tie a knot.
Tie a tight, tight knot.
Tie a knot in the shape of a nought.
____________________________
Freshly-fried fat flying fish
____________________________
Rubber baby-buggy bumpers.
____________________________
Jolly juggling jesters jauntily juggled jingling jacks.
____________________________
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A Gift To Mom
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her thank you notes. "She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her thank you notes. "She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
The Dialog Between Husband & Wife
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question....
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. "
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "shit.."
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. "
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "shit.."
How Men Get Into Trouble
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
******
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord.. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez , You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.
Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
******
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord.. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez , You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.
Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."
Bran Muffins
The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years.
Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods (LOTS of bran muffins for their fiber) and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
'What are the greens fees?', grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man 'This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?' he asked.
'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'
The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'
The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago
Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods (LOTS of bran muffins for their fiber) and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
'What are the greens fees?', grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man 'This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?' he asked.
'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'
The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'
The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago
A Good Story
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter.
"Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see,strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told..."Yesterday we were recruiting you,today you're an Employee"
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter.
"Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see,strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told..."Yesterday we were recruiting you,today you're an Employee"
One Wish
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." The sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge ..?"
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge ..?"
Success To A Happy Married Life
A man and a woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife ' s bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh, that?" she said. "That ' s the money I made from selling the dolls." : )
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife ' s bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh, that?" she said. "That ' s the money I made from selling the dolls." : )
Magical Wish
One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog was hopping towards a water hole.
The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first."
The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.
The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine.
The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike.
For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."
The forest was so enormous that the frog had never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first."
The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.
The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine.
The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for such idiotic items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike.
For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."
Confessions of a Kid
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner", Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE BIKE!!!!!!
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner", Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE BIKE!!!!!!
Vo Nahi Mera (Poetry)
Vo Nahi Mera Magar Us Se Mohabat Hai To Hai,
Yeh Agar Rasmo Rivazo Se Bagawat Hai To Hai;
Sach Ko Maine Sach Kaha Jab Keh Diya To Keh Diya,
Ab Zamaneki Nazar Mein Ye Himaakat Hai To Hai;
Dost Ban Kar Dushmano Sa Vo Satata Hai Mujhe,
"Fir Bhi Us Pathar Dil Pe Marna Apni Fitrat Hai To Hai";
Kab Kaha Mainey Ki Vo Mil Jaye Mujhko,
Uski Bahon Mein Dum Nikle Itni Hastrat Hai To Hai;
Jal Gaya Parvana To Usme Shama Ki Kya Khata,
Yun Raat Bhar Jalna-Jalaana Uski Kismat Hai To Hai;
Vo Sath Hai To Zinda Hu,
Meri Saanso Ko Uski Zaroorat Hai To Hai.....
Dur They,Dur Renhenge Har Dum Ye Zamein Asmaan,
Duriyon Ke Baad Bhi Dil Mein Kurbat Hai To Hai;
Mainey Kab Kaha Tu Mil Hi Jae Mujhe,
Par Gair Na Ho Jaye Itni Si Hasrat Hai To Hai;
Yeh Agar Rasmo Rivazo Se Bagawat Hai To Hai;
Sach Ko Maine Sach Kaha Jab Keh Diya To Keh Diya,
Ab Zamaneki Nazar Mein Ye Himaakat Hai To Hai;
Dost Ban Kar Dushmano Sa Vo Satata Hai Mujhe,
"Fir Bhi Us Pathar Dil Pe Marna Apni Fitrat Hai To Hai";
Kab Kaha Mainey Ki Vo Mil Jaye Mujhko,
Uski Bahon Mein Dum Nikle Itni Hastrat Hai To Hai;
Jal Gaya Parvana To Usme Shama Ki Kya Khata,
Yun Raat Bhar Jalna-Jalaana Uski Kismat Hai To Hai;
Vo Sath Hai To Zinda Hu,
Meri Saanso Ko Uski Zaroorat Hai To Hai.....
Dur They,Dur Renhenge Har Dum Ye Zamein Asmaan,
Duriyon Ke Baad Bhi Dil Mein Kurbat Hai To Hai;
Mainey Kab Kaha Tu Mil Hi Jae Mujhe,
Par Gair Na Ho Jaye Itni Si Hasrat Hai To Hai;
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Don't Laugh
Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ....you have only 2 eyes
But you sight every woman. Now who is Ravan?
****************************
Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
Brain. Please tell them your age!
*****************************
Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha.
Banta: to fir Bach gaya ya mar gaya?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.
*************************
Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar AA raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone
Chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, who apne khilone pahechan lega.
*********************
In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state.
*************************
INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught
Fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.
****************************
Chota baccha 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha.
Baap NE puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Baccha : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
***********************
Two friends were walking together.
1st friend : Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath AA rahi hain.
2nd friend : oye, main bhi yehi bol raha tha.
**************************
Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.
DR: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
But you sight every woman. Now who is Ravan?
****************************
Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live without
Brain. Please tell them your age!
*****************************
Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha.
Banta: to fir Bach gaya ya mar gaya?
Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.
*************************
Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar AA raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone
Chhupa de.
Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?
Boy: nahin, who apne khilone pahechan lega.
*********************
In aptitude test...River Kaveri is in which state?
Sardar: liquid state.
*************************
INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught
Fire?
Sardar: Simple, stop imagining.
****************************
Chota baccha 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha.
Baap NE puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"
Baccha : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
***********************
Two friends were walking together.
1st friend : Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath AA rahi hain.
2nd friend : oye, main bhi yehi bol raha tha.
**************************
Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.
DR: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
The main causes of liver damage
1. Sleeping too late and waking up too late are main cause.
2. Not urinating in the morning.
3. Too much eating.
4. Skipping breakfast.
5. Consuming too much medication.
6. Consuming too much preservatives, additives, food coloring, and artificial sweetener.
7. Consuming unhealthy cooking oil. As much as possible reduce cooking oil use when frying, which includes even the best cooking oils like olive oil. Do not consume fried foods when you are tired, except if the body is very fit.
8. Consuming raw (overly done) foods also add to the burden of liver.
Veggies should be eaten raw or cooked 3-5 parts. Fried veggies should be finished in one sitting, do not store.
We should prevent this without necessarily spending more. We just have to adopt a good daily lifestyle and eating habits. Maintaining good eating habits and time condition are very important for our bodies to absorb and get rid of unnecessary chemicals according to "schedule."
Because:
Evening at 9 - 11pm : is the time for eliminating unnecessary/ toxic chemicals (detoxification) from the antibody system (lymph nodes). This time duration should be spent by relaxing or listening to music. If during this time a housewife is still in an unrelaxed state such as washing the dishes or monitoring children doing their homework, this will have a negative impact on health.
Evening at 11pm - 1am : is the detoxification process in the liver, and ideally should be done in a deep sleep state.
Early morning 1 - 3am: detoxification process in the gall, also ideally done in a deep sleep state. &am p;am p;nb sp;
Early morning 3 - 5am : detoxification in the lungs. Therefore there will sometimes be a severe cough for cough sufferers during this time. Since the detoxification process had reached the respiratory tract, there is no need to take cough medicine so as not to interfere with toxin removal process.
Morning 5 - 7am: detoxification in the colon, you should empty your bowel.
Morning 7 - 9am : absorption of nutrients in the small intestine, you should be having breakfast at this time. Breakfast should be earlier, before 6:30am , for those who are sick. Breakfast before 7:30am is very beneficial to those wanting to stay fit. Those who always skip breakfast, they should change their habits, and it is still better to eat breakfast late until 9 - 10am rather than no meal at all.
Sleeping so late and waking up too late will disrupt the process of removing unnecessary chemicals. Aside from that, midnight to 4:00 am is the time when the bone marrow produces blood. Therefore, have a good sleep and don't sleep late.
2. Not urinating in the morning.
3. Too much eating.
4. Skipping breakfast.
5. Consuming too much medication.
6. Consuming too much preservatives, additives, food coloring, and artificial sweetener.
7. Consuming unhealthy cooking oil. As much as possible reduce cooking oil use when frying, which includes even the best cooking oils like olive oil. Do not consume fried foods when you are tired, except if the body is very fit.
8. Consuming raw (overly done) foods also add to the burden of liver.
Veggies should be eaten raw or cooked 3-5 parts. Fried veggies should be finished in one sitting, do not store.
We should prevent this without necessarily spending more. We just have to adopt a good daily lifestyle and eating habits. Maintaining good eating habits and time condition are very important for our bodies to absorb and get rid of unnecessary chemicals according to "schedule."
Because:
Evening at 9 - 11pm : is the time for eliminating unnecessary/ toxic chemicals (detoxification) from the antibody system (lymph nodes). This time duration should be spent by relaxing or listening to music. If during this time a housewife is still in an unrelaxed state such as washing the dishes or monitoring children doing their homework, this will have a negative impact on health.
Evening at 11pm - 1am : is the detoxification process in the liver, and ideally should be done in a deep sleep state.
Early morning 1 - 3am: detoxification process in the gall, also ideally done in a deep sleep state. &am p;am p;nb sp;
Early morning 3 - 5am : detoxification in the lungs. Therefore there will sometimes be a severe cough for cough sufferers during this time. Since the detoxification process had reached the respiratory tract, there is no need to take cough medicine so as not to interfere with toxin removal process.
Morning 5 - 7am: detoxification in the colon, you should empty your bowel.
Morning 7 - 9am : absorption of nutrients in the small intestine, you should be having breakfast at this time. Breakfast should be earlier, before 6:30am , for those who are sick. Breakfast before 7:30am is very beneficial to those wanting to stay fit. Those who always skip breakfast, they should change their habits, and it is still better to eat breakfast late until 9 - 10am rather than no meal at all.
Sleeping so late and waking up too late will disrupt the process of removing unnecessary chemicals. Aside from that, midnight to 4:00 am is the time when the bone marrow produces blood. Therefore, have a good sleep and don't sleep late.
Brain Damaging Habits
1. No Breakfast
People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level.
This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.
2. Overeating
It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.
3. Smoking
It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.
4. High Sugar consumption
Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.
5. Air Pollution
The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency.
6. Sleep Deprivation
Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.
7. Head covered while sleeping
Sleeping with the head covered increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects.
8. Working your brain during illness
Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.
9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts
Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.
10. Talking Rarely
Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain
People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level.
This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.
2. Overeating
It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.
3. Smoking
It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.
4. High Sugar consumption
Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.
5. Air Pollution
The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency.
6. Sleep Deprivation
Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.
7. Head covered while sleeping
Sleeping with the head covered increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects.
8. Working your brain during illness
Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.
9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts
Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.
10. Talking Rarely
Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain
Indian Hell
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He told,"First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long
line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!!!
The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long
line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!!!
Principles for Success
This is the story of Robby.
He was a young boy who lived with his elderly
Mother. His mother wanted him to learn how to play the piano because she
Longed to hear her son play for her. She sent her son to a piano teacher who
Took Robby in under her guidance .
However, there was one small problem
Because Robby was not musically inclined and therefore was very slow in
Learning.
The teacher did not have much faith in the boy because of his
Weakness. The mother was very enthusiastic and every week she would send
Robby to the teacher.
One day Robby stopped attending the piano lessons. The teacher thought that
He had given up and in fact she was quite pleased since she did not give
Much hope to Robby. Not long after, the piano teacher was given the task to
Organize a piano concert in town. She sent out circulars to invite the
Students and public to attend the event.
Suddenly, she received a call from
Robby who offered to take part in the concert. The teacher told Robby that
He was not good enough and that he was no longer a student since he had
Stopped coming for lessons.
Robby begged her to give him a chance and
Promised that he would not let her down.
Finally, she gave in and she put him to play last, hoping that he will
Change his mind at the last minute. When the big day came, the hall was
Packed and the children gave their best performance. Finally,
It was Robby's
Turn to play and as his name was announced, he walked in. He was not in
Proper attire and his hair was not properly groomed.
The teacher was really
Nervous since Robby's performance could spoil the whole evening's brilliant
Performance.
As Robby started playing the crowd became silent and was amazed
At the skill of this little boy. In fact, he gave the best performance of
The evening. At the end of his presentation the crowd and the piano teacher
Gave him a standing ovation. The crowd asked Robby how he managed to play so
Brilliantly.
With a microphone in front of him, he said, "I was not able to
Attend the weekly piano lessons as there was no one to send me because my
Mother was sick with cancer. She just passed away this morning and I wanted
Her to hear me play. You see, this is the first time she is able to hear me
Play because when she was alive she was deaf and now I know she is listening
To me. I have to play my best for her!"
SUCCESS PRINCIPLES
This is indeed a touching story of love and excellence. When you have a
Passion and a reason to do something, you will surely excel. You may not be
Talented or gifted but if you have a strong enough reason to do something,
You will be able to tap into your inner God given potential.
MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE
" Find the good. It's all around you. Find it, showcase it and you'll start
Believing in it."
He was a young boy who lived with his elderly
Mother. His mother wanted him to learn how to play the piano because she
Longed to hear her son play for her. She sent her son to a piano teacher who
Took Robby in under her guidance .
However, there was one small problem
Because Robby was not musically inclined and therefore was very slow in
Learning.
The teacher did not have much faith in the boy because of his
Weakness. The mother was very enthusiastic and every week she would send
Robby to the teacher.
One day Robby stopped attending the piano lessons. The teacher thought that
He had given up and in fact she was quite pleased since she did not give
Much hope to Robby. Not long after, the piano teacher was given the task to
Organize a piano concert in town. She sent out circulars to invite the
Students and public to attend the event.
Suddenly, she received a call from
Robby who offered to take part in the concert. The teacher told Robby that
He was not good enough and that he was no longer a student since he had
Stopped coming for lessons.
Robby begged her to give him a chance and
Promised that he would not let her down.
Finally, she gave in and she put him to play last, hoping that he will
Change his mind at the last minute. When the big day came, the hall was
Packed and the children gave their best performance. Finally,
It was Robby's
Turn to play and as his name was announced, he walked in. He was not in
Proper attire and his hair was not properly groomed.
The teacher was really
Nervous since Robby's performance could spoil the whole evening's brilliant
Performance.
As Robby started playing the crowd became silent and was amazed
At the skill of this little boy. In fact, he gave the best performance of
The evening. At the end of his presentation the crowd and the piano teacher
Gave him a standing ovation. The crowd asked Robby how he managed to play so
Brilliantly.
With a microphone in front of him, he said, "I was not able to
Attend the weekly piano lessons as there was no one to send me because my
Mother was sick with cancer. She just passed away this morning and I wanted
Her to hear me play. You see, this is the first time she is able to hear me
Play because when she was alive she was deaf and now I know she is listening
To me. I have to play my best for her!"
SUCCESS PRINCIPLES
This is indeed a touching story of love and excellence. When you have a
Passion and a reason to do something, you will surely excel. You may not be
Talented or gifted but if you have a strong enough reason to do something,
You will be able to tap into your inner God given potential.
MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE
" Find the good. It's all around you. Find it, showcase it and you'll start
Believing in it."
WINNER v/s LOSER
Winners have dreams;
Losers have schemes.
Winners see the grains;
Losers see the pain.
Winners see the potential;
Losers see the past.
Winners make it happen;
Losers let it happen.
Winners see possibilities;
Losers see problems.
Winners makes commitments;
Losers makes promises.
Winners are a part of the team;
Losers are apart from the team.
Winner always has a programme;
Loser always has an excuse.
Winner says "Let me do it for you";
Loser says "That is not my job".
Winners say "I must do something";
Losers say "Something must be done".
Winner is always a part of the answer;
Loser is always a part of the problem.
Winner sees an answer for every problem;
Loser sees a problem for every answer.
Winners believe in win/win;
Loser believe for them to win, someone has to lose.
Winner says "It may be difficult but it is possible";
Loser says "It may be possible but it is too difficult".
Winner makes a mistake. he says "I was wrong";
Loser makes a mistake, he says "It wasn't my fault".
Losers have schemes.
Winners see the grains;
Losers see the pain.
Winners see the potential;
Losers see the past.
Winners make it happen;
Losers let it happen.
Winners see possibilities;
Losers see problems.
Winners makes commitments;
Losers makes promises.
Winners are a part of the team;
Losers are apart from the team.
Winner always has a programme;
Loser always has an excuse.
Winner says "Let me do it for you";
Loser says "That is not my job".
Winners say "I must do something";
Losers say "Something must be done".
Winner is always a part of the answer;
Loser is always a part of the problem.
Winner sees an answer for every problem;
Loser sees a problem for every answer.
Winners believe in win/win;
Loser believe for them to win, someone has to lose.
Winner says "It may be difficult but it is possible";
Loser says "It may be possible but it is too difficult".
Winner makes a mistake. he says "I was wrong";
Loser makes a mistake, he says "It wasn't my fault".
MALE - FEMALE PRAYER
> FEMALE PRAYER
>
> Before I lay me down to sleep,
> I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
> One who's handsome, smart and strong
> One who loves to listen long,
> One who thinks before he speaks,
> One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
> I pray he's gainfully employed,
> When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
> Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
> Massages my back and begs to do more.
> Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
> Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
> I pray that this man will love me to no end,
> And always be my very best friend.
> Amen.
>
> MALE PRAYER
>
> I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
> who owns a liquor store and a fishing boat. This
> doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
> Amen.
>
> Before I lay me down to sleep,
> I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
> One who's handsome, smart and strong
> One who loves to listen long,
> One who thinks before he speaks,
> One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
> I pray he's gainfully employed,
> When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
> Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
> Massages my back and begs to do more.
> Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
> Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
> I pray that this man will love me to no end,
> And always be my very best friend.
> Amen.
>
> MALE PRAYER
>
> I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
> who owns a liquor store and a fishing boat. This
> doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
> Amen.
Extracts from HER & HIS Diaries
HER DIARY
I asked him what was wrong - he said,
"Nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was
upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not
to worry.
On the way home, I told him that I loved
him, but he simply smiled and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior; I don't
know why he didn't say, "I love you too."
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost
him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me
anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV; he
seemed distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About
10 minutes later he came to bed.
I decided that I could not take it
anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation
but he had fallen asleep.
I started crying and cried until I fell asleep.
I do not know what to do. I'm almost sure that his
thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
Today Pakistan lost the cricket match again.
DAMN IT.
I asked him what was wrong - he said,
"Nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was
upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not
to worry.
On the way home, I told him that I loved
him, but he simply smiled and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior; I don't
know why he didn't say, "I love you too."
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost
him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me
anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV; he
seemed distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About
10 minutes later he came to bed.
I decided that I could not take it
anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation
but he had fallen asleep.
I started crying and cried until I fell asleep.
I do not know what to do. I'm almost sure that his
thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
Today Pakistan lost the cricket match again.
DAMN IT.
What If Titanic sank Today?
U.S.A:
"A ship coming to Freedom was attacked by terrorists.
We will not sit quiet and we will teach them a lesson.
Bin Laden you can run but you cannot hide we will find
you and destroy your Al-Qaeda network."
(President Bush........whoelse?)
U.K:
"I have spoken to the President of United States and
we have both agreed that the sinking of Titanic is
significant prove that Saddam Hussein is clearly
behind this attack, Iraq is imposing a threat to the
world and this has to be dealt with."
(Prime Minister Blair)
Iraq:
"LOL!!!" (President Saddam Hussain)
Israel:
"These Hamas and other terrorist network is enough
evidence to say that sinking of Titanic is not an
accident but it was their suicide bombers who have
commited such a crime.We will now impose curfew on the
Palestinians, detain them, exile them, kill them,
starve them, destroy their homes and refugee camps."
(Ariel Sharon....bastard)
Canada:
"Titanic who?" (Canadian Prime Minister)
India:
"Is mein Pakistan ka haath hai. We have received
passports of Pakistani extremists from the Titanic
debris. Pakistanis will have to pay for such
horrendous act of terrorism. We are now deploying more
soldiers to the border."
(Prime Minister Vajpayee)
Pakistan:
"Sind may Double Sawari per ghair muayyana muddat ke
liye pabandi"
(President Musharraf)
UN:
"Shit happens right??"
(Sec.Gen. Kofi Annan)
Survivors:
"Uhh. Helllooo. Is anyone listening...it was an iceberg..hellloooooo.
"A ship coming to Freedom was attacked by terrorists.
We will not sit quiet and we will teach them a lesson.
Bin Laden you can run but you cannot hide we will find
you and destroy your Al-Qaeda network."
(President Bush........whoelse?)
U.K:
"I have spoken to the President of United States and
we have both agreed that the sinking of Titanic is
significant prove that Saddam Hussein is clearly
behind this attack, Iraq is imposing a threat to the
world and this has to be dealt with."
(Prime Minister Blair)
Iraq:
"LOL!!!" (President Saddam Hussain)
Israel:
"These Hamas and other terrorist network is enough
evidence to say that sinking of Titanic is not an
accident but it was their suicide bombers who have
commited such a crime.We will now impose curfew on the
Palestinians, detain them, exile them, kill them,
starve them, destroy their homes and refugee camps."
(Ariel Sharon....bastard)
Canada:
"Titanic who?" (Canadian Prime Minister)
India:
"Is mein Pakistan ka haath hai. We have received
passports of Pakistani extremists from the Titanic
debris. Pakistanis will have to pay for such
horrendous act of terrorism. We are now deploying more
soldiers to the border."
(Prime Minister Vajpayee)
Pakistan:
"Sind may Double Sawari per ghair muayyana muddat ke
liye pabandi"
(President Musharraf)
UN:
"Shit happens right??"
(Sec.Gen. Kofi Annan)
Survivors:
"Uhh. Helllooo. Is anyone listening...it was an iceberg..hellloooooo.
9 Rules Of Life
1 - Live to relax!
click here to get more cool mails
2 - Love your bed, it is your temple!
click here to get more cool mails
3 - Relax in the day, so that you can sleep at night!
click here to get more cool mails
4 - Work is holy, so don't attack it!
click here to get more cool mails
5 - Don't do something tomorrow, that you can do the day afterwards!
click here to get more cool mails
6 - Work as little as possible. Let the others do what needs to be done!
click here to get more cool mails
7 - Don't worry, nobody died from doing nothing, but you could get hurt at work!
click here to get more cool mails
8 - If you feel like doing work, sit down and wait until that feeling goes away!
click here to get more cool mails
9 - Don't forget: working is healthy! So leave it for the sick people
click here to get more cool mails
2 - Love your bed, it is your temple!
click here to get more cool mails
3 - Relax in the day, so that you can sleep at night!
click here to get more cool mails
4 - Work is holy, so don't attack it!
click here to get more cool mails
5 - Don't do something tomorrow, that you can do the day afterwards!
click here to get more cool mails
6 - Work as little as possible. Let the others do what needs to be done!
click here to get more cool mails
7 - Don't worry, nobody died from doing nothing, but you could get hurt at work!
click here to get more cool mails
8 - If you feel like doing work, sit down and wait until that feeling goes away!
click here to get more cool mails
9 - Don't forget: working is healthy! So leave it for the sick people
The difference between men talking and women talking..
TWO WOMEN TALKING :
==================================
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I
Mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to
Take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
...
...
...
....
....
...
...
...
...
NOW TWO MEN TALKING
======================================
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
==================================
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I
Mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to
Take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
...
...
...
....
....
...
...
...
...
NOW TWO MEN TALKING
======================================
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
No God or Know God?
An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem Science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm? (Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good ?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God.. .
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
(Student does not answer. )
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
( Student has no answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him ?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events .)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat,
But we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold.
Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre .)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't.
If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar .)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent . The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH .
That is all that keeps things moving & alive..................
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm? (Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good ?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God.. .
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
(Student does not answer. )
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
( Student has no answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him ?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events .)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat,
But we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold.
Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre .)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't.
If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar .)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent . The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH .
That is all that keeps things moving & alive..................
A different Love Letter
A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
My Dearest Reshma,
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
**********
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?
**********
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
**********
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
**********
4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
**********
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
**********
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
**********
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
**********
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
**********
9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
**********
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
Love, Aakash
*********************
Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format ........
Aakash ,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
**********
1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... Right ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Sana) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No
**********
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.
Hope everything is clear to you .
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
My Dearest Reshma,
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
**********
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?
**********
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
**********
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
**********
4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
**********
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
**********
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
**********
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
**********
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
**********
9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
**********
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
Love, Aakash
*********************
Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format ........
Aakash ,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
**********
1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... Right ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Sana) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No
**********
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.
Hope everything is clear to you .
God Doesn't Exist.
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."
" Why do you say that?"asked the customer.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God exists,would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine loving a God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept.
The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."
" How can you say that?"asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber.And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."
"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."
"Exactly !"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."
" Why do you say that?"asked the customer.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God exists,would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine loving a God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept.
The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."
" How can you say that?"asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber.And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."
"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."
"Exactly !"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
Change Our Vision
There was a millionaire who was bothered by severe eye pain.
He consulted so many physicians and was getting his treatment done. He did not stop consulting galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections.
But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire.
The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colours and not to fall his eyes on any other colours.
The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted in green colour just as the monk had directed.
When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire's servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master not see any other colour and his eye ache would come back.
Hearing this monk laughed said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune.
You cannot paint the world green." Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. It is foolish to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first.
Lets change our vision..!!
********
Think simple,Live simple..
He consulted so many physicians and was getting his treatment done. He did not stop consulting galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections.
But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire.
The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colours and not to fall his eyes on any other colours.
The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted in green colour just as the monk had directed.
When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire's servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master not see any other colour and his eye ache would come back.
Hearing this monk laughed said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune.
You cannot paint the world green." Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. It is foolish to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first.
Lets change our vision..!!
********
Think simple,Live simple..
Its all about Wives
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
************
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met .
************
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
************
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, "In the lake."
************
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
************
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
************
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
************
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
************
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
************
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
*************
It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
*************
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
*************
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
**************
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once .
************
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met .
************
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
************
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, "In the lake."
************
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
************
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
************
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
************
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
************
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
************
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
*************
It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
*************
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
*************
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
**************
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once .
Some Interesting Facts
Here are some interesting, but true facts, that you may or may not have known.
The Statue of Liberty's index finger is eight feet long
Rain has never been recorded in some parts of the Atacama Desert in Chile
A 75 year old person will have slept about 23 years.
A Boeing 747's wing span is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.(the Wright brother's invented the airplane)
There are as many chickens on earth as there are humans.
One type of hummingbird weighs less than a penny
The word "set " has the most number of definitions in the English language;192
Slugs have four noses
Sharks can live up to 100 years
Mosquitos are more attracted to the color blue than any other color.
Kangaroos can't walk backwards
About 75 acres of pizza are eaten in in the U.S. Everyday
The largest recorded snowflake was 15in wide and 8in thick. It fell in Montana in 1887
The tip of a bullwhip moves so fast that the sound it makes is actually a tiny sonic boom.
Former president Bill Clinton only sent 2 emails in his entire 8 year presidency
Koalas and humans are the only animals that have finger prints
There are 200,000,000 insects for every one human
It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery had in it to begin with.
The world's largest Montessori school is in India, with 26,312 students in 2002
Octopus have three hearts
If you ate too many carrots, you'd turn orange
The average person spends two weeks waiting for a traffic light to change.
1 in 2,000,000,000 people will live to be 116 or old
The body has 2-3 million sweat glands
Sperm whales have the biggest brains; 20 lbs
Tiger shark embroyos fight each other in their mother's womb. The survivor is born.
Most cats are left pawed
250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa
A Blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant
You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown. Keep Smiling!
Bamboo can grow up to 3 ft in 24 hours
An eyeball weighs about 1 ounce
Bone is five times stronger than steel.
True love
This is what True Love is all about:
It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him look at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.
On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer' s Disease .
As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are? "
He smiled as he patted my hand and said, " She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is." I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."
True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there are some that come along that have an important message, and this is one of those kind. Just had to share it with you all.
It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him look at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.
On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer' s Disease .
As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are? "
He smiled as he patted my hand and said, " She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is." I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."
True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there are some that come along that have an important message, and this is one of those kind. Just had to share it with you all.
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